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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Another...

Another Lesson in Managment

A crow was sitting on a tree doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered, "Of course, help youself."

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.

Suddenly a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing you must be sitting very, very high up.
#joke #animal #rabbit #fox
Joke | Source: Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

I think Cheney is starting to lose...

"I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'" -- Jay Leno
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (26)

Shhhhh....

A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30.

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

"Darn it woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Why was the supermodel happy t...

Why was the supermodel happy that she finished a jigsaw puzzle in only six months? Because on the box, it said "3-6 years."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (7)

A paperboy said to a customer one day...

A paperboy said to a customer one day, "Mr. Smith, I wish I had twenty customers like you."
"Gosh, that's nice to hear," said Smith, "but I'm kind of surprised considering I never tip all that well and always pay late."
The paperboy said, "I know, but I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is I have one hundred and forty!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

One night, a man on his way...

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunk said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" The drunk replied, "The light is a lot better here."

#joke
Joke | Source: Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
  • Currently 6.74/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (57)

FRIDAY

LEAVING WORK ON A FRIDAY
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Sea monster and ship

“After eating the ship, the sea monster needed an Alka-Seltzer. He said, 'I can't believe I ate the hull thing.'”

#joke #short #food #eating
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Things t...

Things to say to the boss to get you fired:

"I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."

"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid."

"Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are you?"

"Who me? I just wander from room to room."

"I pretend to work. You pretend to pay me."

"Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?"

"Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

"Earth is full, go home!"

"How about 'never'? Is 'never' good for you?"

"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 August 2008
  • Currently 6.36/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (11)

Faith

Two nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of gas. They walked to a farmhouse and a farmer gave them some gasoline; but the only container he had was an old bedpan. The nuns were happy to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car. As they were pouring the gasoline from the bedpan into the tank of their car, a minister drove by. He stopped, rolled down his window and said, "Excuse me, sisters. I'm not of your religion, but I couldn't help admiring your faith....!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

At The Public Pool


The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
#joke #short #sport #diving #mother
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

I MAKE APOCALYPSE...

I MAKE APOCALYPSE JOKES

LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Slice of Life

Diner: "Pardon me, waiter, but what kind of pie it is?"
Waiter: "What does it taste like?"
Diner: "I don't know."
Waiter: "Then what's the difference?"

#joke #short #food #pie
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

Billy-Bob walks into a bar and...

Billy-Bob walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?"
Billy-Bob says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Billy-Bob comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, two rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"
Billy-Bob looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, "You mean they'll PAY me too?"
#joke #walksintoabar #monday
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (16)

A man has a racehorse that nev...

A man has a racehorse that never won a race. The man says in disgust, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens and all the horses take off running except for the man's horse which is lying there asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The sleepy horse raises his head and says, "I have to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning."
#joke #animal #horse #drinks #milk
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

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