Jokes of the day for Monday, 23 February 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 23 February 2009 |
Now You Know
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.A man goes into a bar with his...
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!
The telephone rings in the pri...
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school."Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal.
"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week,"
replies the voice.
"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"
"We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice. "I hope
it is alright."
"I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who
is calling?"
"Sure. This is my father!"
What Do You Get When ...
What do you get when you cross a Buddhist and a Druid?
Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
George W. Bush and Bill Clinto...
George W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the aftershave. Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No, thanks. Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse".
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?" Bush replied, "Go ahead. Laura doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
Celebrating An Event
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
Sex and athletics....
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.
In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"
How does a flower ride a bike?...
How does a flower ride a bike?"What did you get for your bir...
"What did you get for your birthday?" "A harmonica -- it's the best present I ever got!" "Why?" "My Dad pays me fifty a week not to play it."Parents
What do you call a couple who uses the rhythm method of birth control?Parents.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
A blonde goes to an office party and wins...
A blonde goes to an office party and wins a thermos. The blonde asks a co-worker, What does it do? He says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. The next day the blond goes to work after filling her thermos with ice cream and tea.22 Latest Christmas cracker jokes
What do you call an old snowman?
A: Water
Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A: A Christmas Quacker!
Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
A: Lost
Q: Why is the government like ancient Bethlehem?
A: It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.
Q: Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
A: Carbon footprints
Q: Which of Santa's reindeer has the best moves?
A: Dancer!
Q: What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk?
A: Jingle smells
Q: Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
A: They were two deer.
Q: What athlete is warmest in winter?
A: A long jumper!
Q: What happens to elves when they are naughty?
A: Santa gives them the sack!
Q: What do you call a deer who can’t see?
A: No eye-deer!
Q: What is the best Christmas present?
A: A broken drum, you can't beat it!
Q: How does Christmas Day end?
A: With the letter Y!
Q: What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?
A: Sandy Claus!
Q: Who delivers presents to cats?
A: Santa Paws!
Q: What says Oh Oh Oh?
A: Santa walking backwards!
Q: Why can’t Christmas trees knit?
A: Because they always drop their needles!
Q:How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
A: On the dark side!
Q: What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
A: Santa going through a revolving door!
Q: What did the sea Say to Santa?
A: Nothing! It just waved!
Q: What do you call a dog who works for Santa?
A: Santa Paws!
Q: What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
A: St Nickerless
By the time a Marine pulled in...
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room wastaken."You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, Idon't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy,"admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But totell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining roomshave complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed andbushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring,then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," theMarine" explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight,beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
