Jokes of the day for Friday, 27 February 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 27 February 2009 |
What's the difference between ...
What's the difference between peoplewho pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.
The Senility Prayer
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
A Sunday school teacher asked ...
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.
Waiting for love...
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."
A man goes into a bar and asks...
A man goes into a bar and asks for helicopter flavour crisps."Fair enough," says the man, "I'll just have plain."
"Have you read the book I lent...
"Have you read the book I lent you -- How to Become a Millionaire?" "Yes, but I only got to the middle. Half its pages are missing!" "But isn't half a million enough for you?"Sleeping in the barn
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down.Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn.
After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn.
A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. a few moments later, a knock on the door.
The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn.
A few moments later there was a knock on the door.
It was the cow and the pig!!!
Stoopid Baby Names
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, Mummy, why is my name Petal?The mother replied, Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head. The next baby walked up and asked, Mummy why is my name Rose? she replied, Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head. The last baby walked up to her and said, BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.
The mother replied, Please be quiet, Refrigerator.
Answering Machine Message 104
"Muppet Show" theme:
It's time to leave a message
After you hear the tone,
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight...
It's time to leave a message
On Kate and Shannon's phone,
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight.
Just leave your name and number,
Such simple things to do,
And then when we get home we will
Get right back to you.
It's time to leave a message
After you hear the tone.
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight.
Gone to get a bite,
Stayin' out all night,
Yes we have a life!
Leave a message, we're not home toniiiiight...
April Fool's Day - Suggestion
Yogurt, Peach, and Apple Disguised as an Egg and Fries
The Company Picnic
The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back.
“Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?”
“Not a bit,” the husband replied. “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”
Mud bath
An elderly man goes into his doctor’s office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says: "I'm sorry, Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition that only allows you another six weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replies, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment, the doctor says: "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa to take a mud bath every day."
"And that will cure me?" Bill asks excitedly.
"No," replies the doctor: "but it will get you used to the dirt."
