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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 26 April 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 26 April 2009

Q: How did th...

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Fifteen minutes into the fligh...

Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

SLIDESHOW #55 - Funny Photo Slideshow

One day a little girl was sitt...

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
#joke
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Drunken Confession

A drunken man staggered in to a Catholic church and sat down in a confession box, saying nothing.
The bewildered priest coughed to attract his attention, but still the man said nothing.
The priest then knocked on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replied, "No use knockin', mate, there's no paper in this one either."

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A Dell customer called to say ...

A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Golf Instruction

A hu...

Golf Instruction

A husband and wife love to play golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first, After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way to hard!"

"Well, what should I do?", asks the man.

"Hold the club gently." the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wifes breast."

Taking the advice, he takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, your gripping the way to hard."

"What can I do?" asks the wife.

"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husbands penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice. takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway about 15 feet.

"That was great," the pro say. "Now take the club out of your mouth..."
#joke
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Diner: Waiter, do you realize ...

Diner: Waiter, do you realize that your tie is in my soup? Waiter: That's all right, sir. It's not shrinkable.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Answering Machine Message 158


Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

Fat free....

I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try.

I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order.

"Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat-free."

"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is free!"

#joke
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (40)

drowning blonde

How do you get a blonde to drown?

Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

Honest Bumper Stickers

-- All men are idiots, and I married their king.
-- Your kid may be an honors student, but youre still an idiot.
-- I brake for no apparent reason.
-- Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
-- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
-- I didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
-- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
-- Reality is a crutch for people who cant handle drugs.
-- I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
-- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.
-- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
-- Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else.
-- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
-- Consciousness cuts into my napping.
-- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
-- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who cant.
-- Keep honking. Im reloading.
#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Did you hear about the man who...

Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Retaking exam

Four college students missed an important exam, choosing to party instead. They go together to their professor the next day, and said, "We're sorry we missed the exam. We had a flat tire on the way to class. Is there any way we could possibly take a re-test?"

"Sure," replied the professor. "Come on in tomorrow, and you can all take a retest. But remember, it's a pass or fail."

The four students arrived the next day to take the retest, and all of them sat down in their seats. Before handing them their exams, their professor told them, "I've got good news and bad news. The good part is, there's only one question on the test. The bad news is, if any of you fail, you all fail the test."

The students sat there, a bit worried from this professor's strange introduction to the exam. Then the professor handed out the four exams, and each student stared down at their papers, which contained just one simple question:

"Which tire was it?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Texas Traffic

I was on vacation in Texas, and was appalled by Dallas' chaotic traffic.
I asked the bellhop at the hotel why it was so disorderly.
"In some countries, they drive on the right, in others on the left. Here, we drive in the shade."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

Scary Collection 07

A witch joke
Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge?
She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings!

A cannibal joke
What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian?
They had a feast of fun!

A ghost joke
What do you call a ghost's mother and father?
Transparents!

A vampire joke
Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team?
The ghoulscorer!

A witch joke
Why did the witch give up fortune telling?
There was no future in it!

A Halloween joke
Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party?
Because the feathers were still on the chicken!

A witch joke
What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?
With any luck you'll soon be well enough to get up for a spell!

#joke #doctor #halloween
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (18)

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