Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 20 March 2012
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 20 March 2012 |
Really funny jokes-Eye ear doctor
"There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"
"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.
"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."
No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."
They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"
"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."
What did the mayo say when som...
What did the mayo say when someone opened the refrigerator door?"Close the door, I'm dressing!"
An eastern US mountain range b...
An eastern US mountain range by any other name would still be the Appalachian.While taking a routine vandali...
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, the policeman was interrupted by a 6 year-old looking up and down his uniform, she asked. “Are you a policeman? “Yes,” he answered and continued writing the report. “My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?” “Yes, that’s right, the policeman told her. “Well, then,” the little girl said as she extended her foot toward him, “would you please tie my shoe?”She was standing in the kitche...
She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the T' shirt that she normally slept in.As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment. My eyes lit up and I thought I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table. After wards she said, thanks and returned to the stove, her T' shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked, 'what was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken!
Letter to Company
After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.
“Well, what do you think?” his wife asked smiling.
“Next time,” he replied. “I'm writing to General Motors!”
Iliza Shlesinger: Season Change
I was in New York last Christmas, its snowing, theres a guy in a t-shirt. Im like, Dude, arent you cold? No, Im from New York, I dont get cold. Just cause youre from a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. Youre not a penguin. I was like, In fact sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold.Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac...
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.A sister and brother are talki...
A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise." The Grandpa says, "No."
The little boy goes on, "Please .. please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play."
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise."
So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother 'no' and I'm telling you 'no'." The little girl says, "Please .. please Grandpa make a frog noise." The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!"
Undercover Clergy
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."
Who gets the present....
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."
A fellow nurse at my hospital ...
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
A vertically challenged psychi...
A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."Little Johnny's Chemistr...
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms."Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
