Jokes of the day for Friday, 27 April 2012
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 27 April 2012 |
Bank robbery-Funny joke
When the Sergent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, "Didn't I tell you to cover all the exit points??"
"I did," defended the sergeant, "but they managed to escape through the entrance."
What Do I Look Like?
There was a young couple living in an old run down house. One day the man gets home from work and his wife says, “Honey, look at the walls. They haven't been painted as long as we have lived here. It's peeling and cracking; couldn't you please just paint them?”“Who do I look like? Michelangelo?” the man replies.
“I guess not”, says the wife.
The next day the man gets back from work again. Again his wife starts to complain. “Oh sugar, couldn't you just please at least repair the stairs? They're falling apart and they're really unsafe to walk up.”
The man says, “Who do I look like? Frank Lloyd Wright?”
“Well, maybe not,” says the wife.
The next week the man returns from his job. He walks into his house and is suddenly amazed. The stairs are fixed, the walls were painted and the house looked superb. “Honey…..How did you do this? It looks great!” he says. “Well I met up with a handyman down the street. He offered to repair our house if I either bake him a batch of brownies or sleep with him” says the wife.
“Well, honey, you baked the batch of brownies, right?”
The wife replies, “Who do I look like, Sara Lee?”
Spock was an organ donor. R...
Spock was an organ donor. “Leave lung and prosper.“Todd Barry: Book Lights
They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I remembered, I own a lamp. Chuck Norris beat Ray Charles ...
Chuck Norris beat Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder in a staring contest. At the same time.Types of Undergarments
A man walked into the ladies' department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquired the man. "There is more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras," she replied. Confused, the man asked what the types were. The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, the Presbyterian type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused, the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple...the Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills."
Police officer pulled this ...
Police officer pulled this guy over for speeding and told him that his eyes were bloodshot, and asked him if he'd been drinking. The guy said "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
Pulled Muscle
One day at the office, Michael ran into Dick by the water cooler. Normally Dick who is young, single is energetic all day, but that day he looked beat."Hey Dick! How's it going?"
asked Michael.
"I'm not feeling too good today. In fact, I'm utterly exhausted," answered Dick.
"I pulled a muscle, and it's killing me."
"What's a pulled muscle got to do with you feel so tired?"
Michael asked.
"A pulled muscle doesn't make you tired!"
Dick yawned and said, "It sure does if you pull it five hundred times in one night!"
Visiting Grandma...
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?
"You're coming empty handed"?
Chuck Norris can win a game of...
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.Jump Rope
Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? Neah! Skip it!A police officer pulls over a ...
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"No, officer. Only when he's been drinking"
