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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 20 December 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 20 December 2012

Post Office

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"


stamp

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

#joke #blonde #christmas
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Really funny jokes-History repeats itself

Bobby's five year old received a water gun from his grandfather. The kid was mighty pleased and instantly ran to the tap to fill it up. Bobby was a little anxious.
Bobby: “Dad, I wonder what made you buy that gift, don't you remember how I used to harass you and drive you crazy?”
Dad (with a twinkle in his eyes): “Sure, I do. I do.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #68 - Funny Photo Slideshow

There once was an old man who ...

There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!" said the old woman.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Top Five Shopping HITS | JukinVideo Top 5

Top Five Shopping HITS | JukinVideo Top 5 - Funny events from shops - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

Raking

Q:

How Did The Blonde Break Her Leg While Raking?

A:

She Fell Out Of The Tree

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Perfect Christmas present for grandma

Perfect Christmas present for grandma - Grandpa will like it | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

With Good Claus

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (14)

Three men walked in to a bar. ...

Three men walked in to a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

LIE DETECTOR ROBOT

Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.”Son, where were you today?” The son says “at school dad.” Robot slaps the son! “OK, I watched a DVD at my friends house!” “What DVD?” “Toy story.” Robot slaps the son again! “OK, it was a %&%*o”Dad yells “What! When I was your age I didn't know what %&%* was!” Robot then slaps the dad!Mom laughs “HAHAHA! He's certainly YOUR son.” Robot then slaps the mom….

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

A little boy wanted $100....

A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. the President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 July 2012
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kic...

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' butt. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 October 2011
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

A Moral Question

One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?"
The man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 December 2010
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (37)

Two Boll Weevils

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 January 2010
  • Currently 3.85/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (13)

A man walked into a bar, s...

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks.

Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.

The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 December 2009
  • Currently 6.12/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (74)

Bad weather

This old man went to a whorehouse and said to the manager that he wanted something different.

So the manager sent him up to room "69".

He got in there and this woman named Hurricane Sally stripped him down and began working wonders.

Suddenly she pissed on his stomach, he asked, "What the hell was that?"

She replied, "That is the cooling rain falling all over you."

She got at it again and farted in his face.

He said, "What the hell was that?"

She then again replied, "That is the warm ocean winds blowing."

Suddenly the man got up and started to get dressed.

Hurricane Sally said, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Hell, a man can't fuck with this kind of weather!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 December 2011
  • Currently 3.66/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (58)

Siblings

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 December 2011
  • Currently 7.10/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (50)

Flat tyre

This couple out on a date get a flat while driving along on a snowy night. He goes out to change the tire, but doesn't have any gloves so before long he comes back in, job half-done, with blue hands.

"Put your hands between my legs to warm them up," says she. So he does, and goes back out to the flat tire. It's so cold, he has to come back in one more time to warm up his hands, again at her invitation, between her legs.

He finally finishes the job and comes back into the car triumphant and puts the key into the ignition.

She looks at him and says, "Aren't your ears cold?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 December 2009
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (18)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"My other vehicle is the mahayana."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 December 2010
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (12)

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