Jokes of the day for Thursday, 27 June 2013
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 27 June 2013 |
Donkeys at Christmas
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Mule-tide greetings.
Second-hand goods
A divorced man bumps into his ex-wife's new husband at a party.
After knocking back a few drinks, he walks over to the guy and sneers: "So, how do you like using second-hand goods?"
"Doesn't bother me," the new husband replies. "Once you get past the first three inches, it's all brand new."
Really funny jokes-Undeclared landing
In a very high-security zone of the Air Force, a Cessna suddenly arrived undeclared. The Air Force personnel, surprised by its arrival, wasted no time in impounding the aircraft and taking the pilot into custody.
When questioned in the interrogation room, the pilot replied that he took off from Vegas, lost his way, and spotted the Air Force Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force did a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him in custody for the night while the investigation was on.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot was not a spy and had really lost his way. They refueled his airplane, gave him a detailed briefing, warning him to remember that he had never seen the secret Air Force base and that there would be terrible consequences if he ever spoke about the secret base to anyone. He was then allowed to take off.
The next day, to their total disbelief, the Air Force personnel see the same Cessna land there once again. The plane is immediately surrounded by the Military guards but this time, they notice there are 2 people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do whatever you want to do to me, my wife has come with me, just tell her where I was last night!"
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot was not a spy and had really lost his way. They refueled his airplane, gave him a detailed briefing, warning him to remember that he had never seen the secret Air Force base and that there would be terrible consequences if he ever spoke about the secret base to anyone. He was then allowed to take off.
The next day, to their total disbelief, the Air Force personnel see the same Cessna land there once again. The plane is immediately surrounded by the Military guards but this time, they notice there are 2 people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do whatever you want to do to me, my wife has come with me, just tell her where I was last night!"
#joke
A dog thinks: Hey, these peopl...
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... They must be Gods!A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... I must be a God!
The blind date
After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
#joke
Silly Collection 14
I want a hair cut please.
Certainly, which one!
Do you look in the mirror after you've washed your face?
No, I look in a towel!
Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
Because her daddy was a mummy!
It's time for your violin lesson.
Oh, Fiddle!
How old is your granddad?
I don't know but we've had him a long time!
What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet!
What is a tornado?
Mother nature doing the twist!
Reaching the end of a job inte...
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
#joke #policeman
Chuck Norris eats the core of ...
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.E.T. is short for?
Question: What's E.T. short for?Answer: Because he has little legs!
#joke #short
Sinking boat
There's a boat sinking out at sea with men, women and children on it, along with a minister, a rabbi, and a priest.The minister said, "Oh my god, will somebody think of the children."
The rabbi said, "fuck the children."
The priest said, "Do we have time?"
#joke #short
Nagasaki never had a bomb drop...
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Jim Gaffigan: Easier for Attractive People
Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and theyre attractive, you think, Oh, theyre nice, but if a strangers ugly, youre like, What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo. #joke #short
Jon Reep: Southern Accents
People think youre an idiot. I dont know where they get that idea. But when they hear my accent for the first time, I can tell theyre looking at me and theyre just waiting for me to say something like, What are shoes for? #joke #short
