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Jokes of the day for Monday, 02 September 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 02 September 2013

Celebrity jokes-Doughnuts for Bob Marley

Chike says to his Friend Akono, "Guess how does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?"

Akono guesses, "With Chocolate flavor?"

Chike replies, "Wi' jam in! ('We jammin')"
#joke #short #food #chocolate
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (9)

“Cash cows control bu...

“Cash cows control bull market stocks!”

#joke #short #animal #cow #bull
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Knock Knock Collection 003


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adlai!
Adlai who?
Adlai a bet on that!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adolf!
Adolf who?
Adolf ball hit me in the mouth!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aesop!
Aesop who?
Aesop I saw a puddy cat!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Agatha!
Agatha who?
Agatha headache. Do you have an aspirin?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Agnes!
Agnes who?
Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe!

#joke #animal #cat
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - How to carry baby properly

How to carry baby properly - Just make sure bag is strong enough! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (8)

Lawyers Dog

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog. They decided to settle the issue by getting all the dogs together and seeing whose could perform the most impressive feat.

"Okay, Rover," ordered the architect, and Rover trotted over to a table and in four minutes constructed a complete scale model of a Cathedral out of toothpicks. The architect slipped Rover a cookie, and everyone agreed that it was a pretty impressive performance.

"Hit it, Spot," commanded the doctor. Spot lost no time in performing an emergency Caesarean on a cow. Three minutes later the proud mother of a healthy little heifer was all sewed up and doing fine. Not bad, conceded the onlookers, and Spot got a cookie from the doctor.

"Your turn, Fella," said the lawyer. Over went Fella, screwed the other two dogs, took their cookies, and went out to lunch.

#joke #doctor #lawyer #animal #dog #cow #food #lunch
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Britney and Christina Work Together

Britney Spears and Christina Aguliera were building a barn. While putting up the inside wall, Britney noticed that Christina was tossing every other nail into the garbage can.

Britney asked Christina, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

Christina said, "The pointed end is on the wrong end of the nail."

Britney said, "Well, don't throw those away, we can use those on the outside wall!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (40)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (102)

Tetanus Shot

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.
His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the hell are you going"?
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 December 2012
  • Currently 4.24/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (17)

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nig...

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 September 2011
  • Currently 2.84/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (44)

Confucius say: Man who want pr...

Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 April 2011
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (10)

Brendon Walsh: WMD Penis

My last girlfriend used to call my penis what I thought was a big, powerful, scary nickname. She was calling it a weapon of mass destruction. Sounded cool, but then I found out she was calling it that because she thought my penis was really hard to find.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 September 2011
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (52)

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his l...

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 September 2011
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (49)

A Roll Of The Dice

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady wearing a huge fur coat walked in and asked if she could bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

The dealers said yes and were happy to oblige.

She then said, "I hope you don't mind, but I'll feel much luckier if I take off my coat." With that, she took off her coat and was wearing a skin-tight Wonder-woman outfit!

The men looked her up and down as she leaned over the table, rolled the dice, and yelled, "Come on baby, come on!"

She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!" With that, she picked up her winnings and quickly left.

The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the heck did she roll anyway?"

The second dealer answered, "I don't know. I thought you were paying attention!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 September 2010
  • Currently 6.41/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (41)

Turbulent Times

A plane hit a patch of severe turbulence and the passengers were holding on tight as it rocked and reeled through the night. A little old lady turned to a minister who was sitting behind her and said, "You're a man of God. Can't you do something about this?"
He replied, "Sorry, I can't. I'm in sales, not management."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 September 2009
  • Currently 7.45/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (38)

A Canadian preacher was preocc...

A Canadian preacher was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.

The substitute wanted to know what to play.
‘Here's a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. ‘But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.' During the service, the minister paused and said, ‘Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.'
At that moment, the substitute organist played, *'O Canada.'

*And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

=========

*Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
* *Give me the grace to see a joke,
* *To get some humour out of life,
* *And pass it on to other folk!*

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 September 2008
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

Pregnant Wife

Wife: "I'm pregnant...."
Dad: "Hi pregnant, I’m dad!"
Wife: "No, no you’re not."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

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