Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 10 December 2013
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 10 December 2013 |
Short funny jokes-Dizzy
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.
Anxious Cab Driver
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.
"The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
Student exams...
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead.
Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study.
That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam.
Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question. "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."
At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued.
"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."
There is no such thing as torn...
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.Knock Knock Collection 109
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kendall!
Kendall who?
Kendall and Barbie go together!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kenneth!
Kenneth who?
Kenneth little kids play with you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kent!
Kent who?
Kent you tell who it is?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kentucky!
Kentucky who?
Kentucky too well, have a sore throat!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kenya!
Kenya who?
Kenya guess who is it?
Buddhists and the Blues
Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Chiyo
A school teacher injured his b...
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.A man phones home from his off...
A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.
A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box.
In a fight between Batman and ...
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. Tetanus Shot
The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.
His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the hell are you going"?
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
Which motorcycle gang inflicts...
Which motorcycle gang inflicts damage via paper cuts? - The Bandaidos.
Girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and 2 more short new jokes
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me
I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
My wife asked me why I wanted to be cremated.
I told her it's ...
it is my last hope for a smoking hot body
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just won't listen.
Old friends
Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
