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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Saving Life

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

  • Currently 7.22/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (9)

“The geneticist taugh...

“The geneticist taught his students how to mendel defective genes.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

SLIDESHOW #24 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Hilarious jokes-Two psychiatrists

Two psychiatrists had taken the evening off to have some fun and are enjoying a ride on a bike.

They have an accident and one of them, who had taken a bad fall, in grievously injured, with cuts, bruises and a lot of bleeding.

The other sits by his side and asks,
"Do you want to talk about it ?"
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 3 March 2014

Best Fails of the Week 3 March 2014 - Many funny fails from third week of March 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.09/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (11)

A doctor calls his patie...

A doctor calls his patient and says; the check you gave me for my bill came back.
The patient replied: So did my arthritis!
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - Burger looking cupcakes

Burger looking cupcakes - Does it make it more healthy than regular burger? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (11)

What guys really mean...

'I'm going fishing.'
Really means... 'I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid
and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish
swim by in complete safety.'

'It's a guy thing.'
Really means.... 'There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making
it logical.'

'Can I help with dinner?'
Really means... 'Why isn't it already on the table?'

'Uh huh,' 'Sure, honey,' or 'Yes, dear.'
Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned

'It would take too long to explain.'
Really means... 'I have no idea how it works.'

'I'm getting more exercise lately.'
Really means... 'The batteries in the remote are dead.'

'We're going to be late.'
Really means... 'Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like
a maniac.'

'Take a break, honey, you're working too hard.'
Really means....'I can't hear the game over the vacuum

'That's interesting, dear.'
Really means... 'Are you still talking?'

'Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love.'
Really means... 'I forgot our anniversary again.'

'You expect too much of me.'
Really means... 'You want me to stay awake?'

'That's women's work.'
Really means... 'It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.'

'You know how bad my memory is.'
Really means... 'I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle
Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I
forgot your birthday.'

'Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal.'
Really means... 'I have severed a limb, but will bleed to
death before I admit I'm hurt.'

'I do help around the house.'
Really means... 'I once put a dirty towel in the laundry

'Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing.'
Really means... 'I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty

'I can't find it.'
Really means... 'It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so
I'm completely clueless.'

'What did I do this time?'
Really means... 'What did you catch me doing?'

'I heard you.'
Really means... 'I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
said, and I'm hoping desperately that I can fake it well
enough so that you don't spend the next days yelling at

'You look terrific.'
Really means... 'Oh, God, please don't try on one more
outfit. I'm starving.'

'I missed you.'
Really means... 'I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
hungry and we are out of toilet paper.'

'I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are.'
Really means... 'I'm lost. I have no idea where we are,
and no one will ever see us alive again.'

'We share the housework.'
Really means... 'I make the messes, you clean them up.'

'This relationship is getting too serious.'
Really means... 'You're cutting into the time I spend with
my truck.'

'I don't need to read the instructions.'
Really means... 'I am perfectly capable of screwing it up
without printed help.'

  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

Chemistry Song 17

Silver Nitrate
(to the tune of "Silver Bells")
Silver nitrate, silver nitrate
it's chemistry time in the lab
Ding-a-ling, with a copper ring
soon it will be chemistry day.
Take your nitrate, in solution
Add your copper with style
In the beaker there's a feeling of reactions
silver forming, blue solution
Bringing ooh's ah's and wows
now the data procesing begins.
Get the mass, change to moles
what is the ratio with copper?
Write an equation, balance it
we're glad it's Chemistry Day.

Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Rabbi in bar

A Rabbi walks into a bar to use the rest room. He walks up to the bartender, and asks "Can I please use the rest room?" The place was hoppin' with music, and dancin', till they saw the Rabbi. The bartender says, "I really don't think you should."

The Rabbi again, asks, "Can I please use the rest room?" Well, the bartender says to the Rabbi, "I really don't think you should, you see, there is a statue of a beautiful naked lady, and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

The Rabbi responded with, "Nonsense a man of my stature will not be bothered by that statue!" Well, the bartender showed the Rabbi the door at the top of the stairs.

The Rabbi proceeded to the rest room, and after a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hoppin' with music and dancin' again! He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand, when I came in here, the place was hoppin' with music and dancin', then the place became absolutely quiet. I went to the rest room, and the place is hoppin' again."

The bartender says, "Well, now you're one of us, can I get you a drink?" The Rabbi says, "I still don't understand." The bartender told him, "You see, every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, can I get you a drink?"

#joke #walksintoabar
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Little Mermaid

Why did Ariel blush?

Because the sea weed!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

The chief export of Chuck Norr...

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 October 2011
  • Currently 3.26/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (42)

The Sklar Brothers: Aggressive Advertising

Jason Sklar: It was the most aggressive advertisement weve ever seen. It was a bus bench ad advertising bus bench ads.

Randy Sklar: It was like the M.C. Escher of advertising
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 March 2010
  • Currently 4.02/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (50)

Chelsea Peretti: Getting Attacked

I always think, what would I do if someone tried to get me? My first thought is just something dumb, like Id try to pick my nose and just be gross. In my mind a rapist is just some white hat frat boy whod just be like, Ugh nasty, forget it. Learn some manners.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 25 March 2011
  • Currently 3.10/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (49)

Answering Machine Message 251

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 25 March 2011
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (46)

School Report

Our 15-year-old daughter, Melanie, had to write a report for school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.

“Isn't there a movie about that?” she asked.

I told her there was, but I couldn't think of the name.

Then it came to her, “Oh, I remember! Isn't it something like ‘Finding Private Nemo'?”

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 March 2012
  • Currently 4.31/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (42)

Our Favorite Lightbulb Jokes

A: Three. One to change the lightbulb, one NOT to change the lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change the lightbulb.
A: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.
A: The Unitarians wish to issue the following statement:
"We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb, and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
A: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 March 2009
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (36)

Launderette reunion

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing.

"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh dear! I'm so very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?"

"Opened a can of peas instead."

  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (22)

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