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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 19 April 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 19 April 2014

A score above 100%

Dr. Jones had served many years as an Obstetrician/gynecologist, but he felt he had reached a saturation point. His mind was no longer in his job. He wanted to do something else for the rest of his life. Dr. Jones had a fascination for mechanical things and remembered he enjoyed automotive training in school and, therefore decided to go in for a career change and to become an auto mechanic. He enrolled at an automotive school.

He completed the course and was required to appear for the final exams. The physical exam consisted of taking a car engine apart and then putting it back together. Dr. Jones completed his project and was amazed to receive a grade of 125%. Dr. Jones asked the examiner how could he score a 125%.

"Well," answered the examiner, "I granted you 50% for taking the engine apart, 50% for putting it back together and another 25% for doing everything through the muffler"!
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Mail order....

An old fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat that you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."

In a short time, he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

#joke
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #61 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Heard On A Public Bus


Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando.
"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step."
"If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Icing

One day a girl and her mom were in the mall and saw two people making out. The little girl asked her mom,"What are those people doing."

Making cupcakes."

Then one night the girl's mother and father go downstairs on the couch and make love. The next morning the little girls goes to her mother and says,"This morning when I went to watch TV I found icing on the couch and ate it>

#joke
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - R2-D2 Measuring Cup Set

R2-D2 Measuring Cup Set - May the force be with you ... in the kitchen | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Knock-Knock Blonde

Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?

A: Because they leave to go answer the door.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (9)

“Marriage is hard but...

“Marriage is hard but divorce usually goes off without a hitch.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

Car or Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks they went in to the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut."
The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair also."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 December 2012
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (39)

Chuck Norris once pulled out a...

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (48)

A Very Minor Sin

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?""Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now."
"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 April 2011
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (36)

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky...

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 April 2011
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (51)

A trip to the dentist...

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.

"I'm shocked!" she complained.

"This is three times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 April 2009
  • Currently 6.35/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (46)

Bret Ernst: Blame America

Everybody likes to blame America for everything. What are we, only 233 years old? These other countries are thousands of years old. Not only did they not get it right, but a lot of times they screw up and ask us for help. Thats like a 90-year-old man asking a two-year-old for advice.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 April 2010
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (39)

Biblical Puns

Q: What was the secret of Delilah getting into Samson’s house?
A: She picked his locks.
Q: Why didn’t Pharaoh let the Israelites go into the wilderness after the first six plagues?
A: He was in de Nile.
Q: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
A: He didn’t want to split hairs.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 April 2009
  • Currently 3.35/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (37)

A Very Minor Sin

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?""Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now."
"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 April 2011
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (36)

Marc Maron: Mathematical Cure for Jealousy

I used to be jealous; Im not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if youre jealous, its a cancer, its a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way -- I cured it with mathematics. And Im not a math person at all, but Ive been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, Id like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once -- Im still winning.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 July 2010
  • Currently 3.41/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (39)

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