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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 30 April 2014

“I've never enjoyed p...

“I've never enjoyed paperback books: their blend of wooden characters and watered-down plots makes them pulpy.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Big Night Out

Paddy is smashing a few at the local until everything is forgotten. The bartender who is also a family friend continually tells him he's had enough and to go home.

Finally after several last calls, Paddy declares "I'm going home", promptly falls off his high bar stool and drags himself to the door.

He hails a cab while face down on the curb, manages to open the door and drag himself from his sprawled position into the backseat. The cabby drives him home with Paddy singing nonsensical music to himself the whole way. Paddy rolls out of the cab manages to drunkenly flop his way across the lawn, gets the front door half open and passes out.

The next day because the bartender is also a good friend he checks on paddy, and seeing him lying on his back in the doorway says, "Paddy, you were drunk last night weren't you?". Paddy replies, "Yes, but I didn't think I was that drunk, how did you know?"

.wheelchair outside pool hall

To which the bartender replies, "You left your wheelchair at the bar".

#joke
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

SLIDESHOW #67 - Funny Photo Slideshow

In retrospect

On a Saturday evening, I was watching a film with harsh organ music on the TV when I screamed, "Nooo! Do not enter that church, you stupid man!"

My wife came running from the kitchen and asked, "What are you watching?"

I replied, "Video of our marriage!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (10)

Funny video of the day - Runaway Porta-Potty in High Wind - Outhouse Latrine

Runaway Porta-Potty in High Wind - Outhouse Latrine - Funny stuff can happen on strong wind - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

God made us both...

"Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me" the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me, too?"

"Yes, He did," the older man replied.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her little mind.

At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job, lately, isn't he?"

#joke
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Lazy laptop typing - level PRO

Lazy laptop typing - level PRO - When you are that lazy | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

You might be a redneck if 63

You might be a reneck if...

You just bought your family their lst Atari game system.

You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria.

You think the only tools "real men" need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful repair projects to prove it.

You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.

You name your car the General Lee.

You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.

You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.

Warp drive describes the condition of your car.

Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.

You go to the dentist for a "Tooth Cleaning".

#joke
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Blonde Car Accident


One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 May 2013
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

The Buddhist Hotdog Vendor

A Buddhist approaches a hotdog vendor and says: "Make me one with everything."
He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits. Finally he says: "Where's my change?"
Says the vendor: "All change must come from within."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 April 2013
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Chuck Norris doesn't kill two ...

Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone, he kills two stones with one bird.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 December 2011
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (16)

If you work in an office with ...

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 April 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (50)

Bumper Stickers 17


"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 4.98/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (47)

Years ago someone in Californi...

Years ago someone in California hollered “Gold,” and people drove from all directions. That’s the way they still drive in California.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 4.95/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (38)

Religious battle golf #joke #humor

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (36)

Human Equation

Mom + Dad - Rubber = U
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (19)

Once upon a time the governmen...

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer,then hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, "We have had this operating for one year and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

The district attorney stared a...

The district attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe the "not guilty" verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly, he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"
The foreman answered, "Insanity."
The attorney responded, still incredulous, "I could understand that, but... all twelve of you?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

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