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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 21 December 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 21 December 2014

Outdone

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workers.

After several minutes, Morris had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said: "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied: "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

The Ballerina

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin.

She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit. She pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man here will buy a lass a drink?' The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, 'Pour the ballerina a drink!'

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lass another drink?'

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, 'Give the ballerina another drink!'

The bartender approached the drunk and said, 'Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?'

The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina.'
#joke #animal #owl
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

April Fool's Day - Here are 5 pranks you can play on people

1. Replace Oreo cream-filling with toothpaste and offer one to someone.
2. Dip the tips of someone’s cigarettes in Orajel so their lips will go numb.
3. Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
4. Cup some water in your hand and pretend to sneeze on the back of someone’s head.
5. Take something from someone’s office and leave them a ransom note.
#joke #aprilfoolsday #prank
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Big Snowman

Big Snowman | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A beautiful young girl is abou...

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theater, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.
The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations.
When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Who did it?

The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him.

The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge, goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

The principal replies that he knows little Johnny, as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, and if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the Regional Head of Education and relates the whole story.

After listening, he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the darn wall!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

 Answering Machine Message 102


With apologies to Robert Burns:
O ma phone is but an ebon box,
Wha' rings when I'm awa'.
And my tape machine waits,
For your call,
This message for ta play.
So leave ye message at the beep,
Then bide ye well a while,
For I will hear your voice,
ONE DAY,
and call ye wi' a smile.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Dogs in Heaven

Dear God,
When I get to heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Also, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Thank You God,
The Dog
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

We plan to go clubbing. Now is

We plan to go clubbing. Now is the winter of our disco intent.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Mike, Jack, and Gary go for a

Mike, Jack, and Gary go for a hike in the woods. They are out about an hour enjoying the sights when they come around a sharp bend in the trail and spot a bear just in front of them feeding off some vegetation next to the trail. The bear lets out a menacing growl when it notices the hikers. Mike says "jump up and down, make some noise to scare it away". Jack says “that won't work, we need to play dead". They both ask Gary “what do we do?" There is no reply. Turning around they see Gary far down the trail behind them.
#joke #animal #bear
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

13) When Parker Pen marketed a

13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux."
11) Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."
10) Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
9) Pepsi’s "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.
7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
6) Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken," was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.
4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope"(el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).
3) The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are You Lactating?"
2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. "No va" in Spanish means, "It Doesn’t Go".
1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela" meaning "Bite the Wax Tadpole" or "Female Horse Stuffed with Wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokoukole", translating into "Happiness in the Mouth."
#joke #animal #horse #chicken #food #potato #drinks #milk #coke #cola #pepsi #father #papa
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

I Won!

A blonde walked in a diner and orders a cup of coffee. When

she gets her drink, she notices that it has a "contest game

piece" on the side of the cup. She peels off the sticker and

instantly starts screaming, "I won a motor home!" She

continues shoulting, "I won a motor home!" until the waitress

decides to get her boss.

"What's the problem here?" the manager asks.

"I won a motor home!" she shouts again.

"That's impossible!" he replies. "We didn't give out motor

homes."

She says "Well, it says so on this sticker."

The boss takes the sticker and reads it. It says:

"Win a bagel."

#joke #blonde #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A husband got his mother-in-la

A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Unappreciated Hanukkah Gift

A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one.
As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

“I take pictures of t

“I take pictures of trees and plants while the sun is out. It really emphasizes photosynthesis.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A professor of chemistry wante...

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
#joke #animal #worm #drinks #whiskey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 December 2009
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (66)

Do you know why Baskin Robbins...

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2011
  • Currently 2.61/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (44)

Kissing the secretary

One fine morning Dean came early into the office and caught his subordinate,Martin kissing his secretary.
Angered, Dean screamed: “Martin, do I pay you good salary for doing this?”
Martin: “No sir, I am doing this for free.”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 December 2013
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (39)

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