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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 06 January 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 06 January 2016

The best revenge

Sometimes the best revenge is to smile and move on.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games. Sajt vise ne radi
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

The new dads!

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor when the nurse walked out and said to a man sitting there, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"

The man replied, "How about that! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mrs. Smith had just had triplets.

Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for 3M!"

When the nurse appeared next, she told the third man that his wife had given birth to quadruplets.

"That's amazing! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point the gentleman sitting next to me let out a little strangled gasp and hurriedly got up, obviously distraught. When I asked him if he was okay, he explained, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I'm the casting director for 101 Dalmatians."

#joke #sport #baseball
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

“Rejection is all abo

“Rejection is all about who you no.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - Cup tower building - like a pro

Cup tower building - like a pro - Until his friend wakes | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Before boarding a bus, a man a

Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train station?"
"Sixty cents," said the driver.
The man raced alongside the bus until the next stop and then gasped, "What is the fare now?"
"Ninety cents," said the driver. "You're running the wrong way."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

 Knock Knock Collection 103


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joan!
Joan who!
Joan you remember me?
!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joan!
Joan who!
Joan call us we'll call you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joanna!
Joanna who!
Joanna big kiss!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joanne!
Joanne who!
Joanne tell!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joe Namath!
Joe Namath who!
Joe Namath not on the door thats why I knocked!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

A young monk arrives at the mo...

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies,not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy,it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries,but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was..
CELEBRATE"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Space mission

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board.

While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig#1, do you know your mission?"

The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."

Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?"

The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth, land shuttle. Oink oink."

Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?"

The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs, and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"

Submitted by Admin

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #blonde #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Q: What starts with E, ends wi

Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Organ thieves sell their goods

Organ thieves sell their goods to a body shop. Some offer free de-livery.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

The Patron Saint of Email

Q: Who is the Patron Saint of Email?
A: St. Francis of a CC.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 September 2015
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

10 Things Men Know About Women

10 Things Men Know About Women

1.)
2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)
6.)
7.)
8.)
9.)
10.) They have breasts.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 January 2010
  • Currently 5.81/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (67)

Ten Thoughts to Ponder...

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT...

America knows exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but they haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe the USA should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
#joke #animal #cow #fish #food #sandwich #hungry
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 January 2011
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (53)

Chuck Norris eats the core of ...

Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 January 2012
  • Currently 3.28/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (39)

Business one-liners 24

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average.

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Entropy has us outnumbered.

Error is often more earnest than truth.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Even if the grass is greener on the other side: they, like you, still have to cut it.

Even paranoids have enemies.

Every silver lining has a cloud around it.

Every solution breeds new problems.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 January 2010
  • Currently 7.18/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (22)

Never Lie to Your Mother

 Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.

So he sat down and wrote

DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER

Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read

DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE F**KING FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM

#joke #food #dinner #meal
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 October 2014
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

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