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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 23 April 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 23 April 2016

Everybody who has a dog calls

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said, "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex..."
My case comes up on Friday...
#joke #friday
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (13)

A blonde with two red ears wen...

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"
#joke #blonde #doctor
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #24 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The runner

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"

Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."

Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"

So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"

Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."

#joke
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (16)

McDonalds Food Ideas

Food Ideas Rejected By McDonalds:

  1. Chicken McBobbitts
  2. Salmon McNella
  3. Tom & Roseanne "Together Forever" Value Meal
  4. Shirley McLean Burger
  5. McMenudo
  6. Filet o' Gefilte Fish
  7. Way Too Happy Meal
  8. Lion King Hairball Happy Meal
  9. Them Ain't Nuggets!
  10. McKitty Sandwich
  11. Boutrous Boutrous Burger
  12. Rocky Mountain McOysters
  13. McSpleen
  14. The Depressed Meal
  15. Filet O' Flesh
  16. McShrooms
  17. Bob Barker's Happy Pants Meal
  18. McTonya Club Sandwich
  19. Grumpy Meal, Dopey Meal, and Sneezy Meal

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Blonde quickies 6

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?

A: Bucket seats.

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?

Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?

A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?

A: *Who cares?*

Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?

A: So they know when to stop having sex !

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????

A1: She drops her nail-file!!!

A2: Who cares?

A3: She say 'Next'

A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder

A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes

A6: I mean, who really cares?

A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?

A: Data transfer.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?

A: Because they don't know any better.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: "What's a lightbulb?"

A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Q: Why did Adele cross the roa

Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

“What do mice wear on

“What do mice wear on their feet? Squeakers!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Karma the Pet Snake

Tickle Nhat Hahn: Have you met my pet snake "Karma"?
Swami Mahahaharaj: Why would you name a snake "Karma"?
Tickle Nhat Hahn: Because he used to be a lawyer.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

I will not forget

I will not forget… I will not forget…
#joke #short
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Mommy Mommy 03


Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!


Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!


Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!


Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!


Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 April 2011
  • Currently 2.61/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (64)

Brian Posehn: Quitting Meat

Quitting pot? It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian -- you know, quitting meat -- because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 April 2011
  • Currently 3.76/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (55)

Miracle whip

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?

A: Miracle Whip.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 April 2011
  • Currently 3.87/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (53)

A Special Night in Iowa

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.

#joke #short #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 April 2013
  • Currently 4.85/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (40)

Subway Party

Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference.

There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.

One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.

When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.

"Where ya been?"

he slurred.

"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 April 2012
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (40)

Halloween Handouts


The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween Handouts

  1. Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.
  2. Teeth removing Taffy
  3. Metamucil in a straw
  4. Ex-Lax Brownies
  5. Caramel Covered Zucchini
  6. Colored Crisco on a Stick
  7. Hot steaming bowl of pumpkin guts
  8. Chocolate Covered Prunes
  9. A Handful of Red Man
  10. Anything that ticks!

#joke #halloween
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 February 2014
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

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