Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 21 December 2016
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 21 December 2016 |
A man was driving down the roa...
A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash.Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed the camera.
Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it!
So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera. Again, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went.
Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seat belt.
#joke #animal #snail
Blind date
How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
#joke #short
Business One-liners 35
The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinate's premonitions only during the postmortems.
The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject's true value.
The average man's judgement is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere.
The best laid plans of mice and men are usually equal.
The best photos are generally attempted through the lens cap.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.
The best way to realise your dreams is to wake up.
Ask a banker any question. He
Ask a banker any question. He will give you fine answers.#joke #short
A little boy and his grandfath...
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. Thelittle boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says,"Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfatherreplies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limpto put back in that little hole."The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can ofhairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray,and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes backout and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,
"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma
#joke #animal #worm
A professor of chemistry wante...
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
Do you know why Baskin Robbins...
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Kissing the secretary
One fine morning Dean came early into the office and caught his subordinate,Martin kissing his secretary.Angered, Dean screamed: “Martin, do I pay you good salary for doing this?”
Martin: “No sir, I am doing this for free.”
#joke #short
Harry under stress
Harry had been feeling sick lately and was finally convinced to see the Doctor after his wife Suzy's urging. After a thorough examination, and much thought, the Doctor was ready to tell Harry and a very worried Suzy, his prognosis: Harry was too stressed out. He would need 6 months of pure relaxation.
Suzy, very agitated, took out her notepad to begin writing down his list of orders for these months of relaxation.
"How should I go about it?" asked Harry.
"OK," said the doctor, "I would like your wife to take one tranquilizer four times a day..."
#joke #doctor
Knock Knock Collection 194
Knock KnockWho's there?
Wilfred!
Wilfred who?
Wilfred like his present?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Willa!
Willa who?
Willa you marry me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
William!
William who?
William-ind your own business!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Willie!
Willie who?
Willie be home for dinner!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Willis!
Willis who?
Willis rain ever stop!
#joke #food #dinner
Name the State Capitol
There was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do ... I memorized all the state capitals."
One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"
"N", she answered.
#joke #blonde
