Jokes of the day for Thursday, 26 January 2017
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 26 January 2017 |
A lawyer and two friends, a ra
A lawyer and two friends, a rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."
"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."
With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.
"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.
He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door.
"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.
The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"
Well, that left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.
Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.
Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood ... the pig and the cow.
Leaving Dan In My Will
![Leaving Dan In My Will](/jokes-archive/2017/01/26/Leaving-Dan-In-My-Will.jpg.400.jpg)
A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
'To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,' the attorney reads.
'To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.'
'And finally,' the lawyer concludes, 'to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!'
Mommy Mommy 04
Mommy, Mommy! What's a werewolf?
Shut up and comb your face!
Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.
Billy, let go of Susie's ear.
Billy! Let go of her ear!
All right Billy, give me the ear.
Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts.
Well, just leave them on the side of the plate.
Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?
Shut up and keep digging.
Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa.
Well, just push him aside and eat your beans.
A Little Three Year Old Boy Is...
![A Little Three Year Old Boy Is...](/jokes-archive/2017/01/26/A-Little-Three-Year-Old-Boy-Is-.jpg.400.jpg)
His Mother Says: "billy, Are You All Right?you've Been In Here For A While...
Billy Says: "i'm Fine, Mommy.. I Just Haven't Gone 'doody' Yet."
Mother Says: "ok, You Can Stay Here A Few More Minutes.but, Billy, Why Are You Hitting Yourself On The Head?"
Billy Says: "works For Ketchup."
Hannibal Buress: Cancer Walks
![Hannibal Buress: Cancer Walks](/jokes-archive/2017/01/26/Hannibal-Buress-3A-Cancer-Walks.jpg.400.jpg)
One friend says to another, "D
One friend says to another, "Did you know that the shortest sentence in the English language is 'I am'?""Really?" replies the other. "What’s the longest sentence?"
“I do.”
Why Little Johnny Cried
![Why Little Johnny Cried](/jokes-archive/2017/01/24/Why-Little-Johnny-Cried.jpg.400.jpg)
Sheng Wang: Toilet With No Water
![Sheng Wang: Toilet With No Water](/jokes-archive/2012/01/26/Sheng-Wang-3A-Toilet-With-No-Water.jpg.400.jpg)
Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards
![Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards](/jokes-archive/2011/01/26/Brian-Regan-3A-New-Baby-Greeting-Cards.jpg.400.jpg)
Tenses
![Tenses](/jokes-archive/2015/01/26/Tenses.jpg.400.jpg)
A teacher says, “Okay, class. Today we’re going to be talking about the tenses. If I say ‘I’m beautiful,’ which tense is it?”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Obviously past tense, Miss.”
Water in the carburetor
![Water in the carburetor](/jokes-archive/2016/01/26/Water-in-the-carburetor.jpg.400.jpg)
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."