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Jokes of the day for Friday, 13 October 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 13 October 2017

Grandma Said That?

Grandma Said That?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

Why did the referee...

“Why did the referee get fired? Because he was a whistle blower!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

If you see someone writing wit

If you see someone writing with their finger, you should offer them a pen for their thoughts.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Baptism

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."

"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

#joke #food #cake #drinks #whiskey #beer #father
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 9.15/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (27)

 Knock Knock Collection 029


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Burton!
Burton who?
Burton in the hand is worth two in the bush!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bush!
Bush who?
Bush your money where your mouth is!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butch!
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butcher!
Butcher who?
Butcher money where your mouth is!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter!
Butter who?
Butter bring an umbrella, it looks like it might rain!

#joke #food #butter
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

I'm sorry, Bill...

"I'm sorry, Bill," said the doctor, "there's simply nothing I can do for you. Your condition is hereditary."
"Oh," replied Bill, "in that case just send the bill to my parents."
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

A pastor was opening his mail...

A pastor was opening his mail one morning and one envelope had only a single sheet of paper with a single word printed on it: “FOOL!” The following Sunday the priest announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their name. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 April 2017
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

A blonde, a brunette, and a re...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 October 2015
  • Currently 8.28/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (50)

The chief export of Chuck Norr...

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 October 2011
  • Currently 3.26/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (46)

Pukeing drunk

Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong.

"I've puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me."

The other drunk says "do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned."

"Sounds like a great idea" says drunk number 1.

When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is. The drunk starts spinning the lie and says " look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my shirt pocket."

His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars.

"Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten for puking on you," says the wife.

"He did," says the drunk.

"But he shit in my pants too."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 October 2011
  • Currently 4.26/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (43)

A psychiatrist was conducting ...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
#joke #food #eating #drinks #alcohol #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 October 2008
  • Currently 7.58/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (40)

Mind telling me the time?

BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 October 2013
  • Currently 5.31/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (35)

Sleep at age 21 and 40

Four hours of sleep at age 21: I'm ready to party again. Four hours of sleep at age 40: Say one thing to me and i'll smack you in the face.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 February 2016
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

What's the tallest...

What's the tallest building in the city?
- The library because it's so many stories high!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 April 2015
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Poisonous Snake

2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming, "A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!".
The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.
"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says. "It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.".
The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
The other friend replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"

#joke #doctor #animal #snake
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 February 2014
  • Currently 5.31/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (13)

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