Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 17 April 2018
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 17 April 2018
How accurate is this?1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
If you want to deliv...
“If you want to deliver a compliment, you have to address them properly.”
The following ad in the Atlant...The following ad in the Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls:
"Single Black Female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight week-old black Labrador retriever.
Mozart Beyond the GraveWhen Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
Mid Semester Final Exam
One night Jack Evans, along with his 3 university friends went out drinkinig till late night, as many college students are prone to do, and didn't study for their test, which, of course, was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They went up to the dean and explained that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst. They continued to explain how they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
The dean, being a compassionate human being said that they could take the test after 3 days. The students graciously replied that they'd be ready by that time.
On the third day, they appeared before the dean. The dean explained that since this was a special test all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the duration of the exam.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 5 questions with total of 100 points:
MID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION
INSTRUCTIONS : All questions are required. Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.
Q.1. Write down your name. ----- (2 POINTS) Q.2. Write the name of the bride and groom at the wedding you attended. ----- (30 POINTS) Q.3. What type of a car were you driving? ------(20 POINTS) Q.4. Which tire burst? ------- (28 POINTS) Q.5. Who was driving? ------ (20 POINTS)
A Puzzle for Darwin
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.
One day a little girl was sitt...One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
Helicopter Flying LessonsA blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to
learn to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to
instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the
basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000
feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view
is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was
to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and
was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed
about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was
starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I
turned off the big fan!"
Going to Jamaica
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
A Very Minor SinA famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?""Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now."
"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas."