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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 20 October 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 20 October 2018

Thoughts To Ponder Thoughts To Ponder
1. Is there ever a day that mattresses aren't on sale?
2. They make bullet proof vests, why not bullet proof pants?
3. Is there any difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
4. How does one know when their bagpipes need tuning?
5. Allstate Insurance has a disclaimer that reads: not available in all states. What?
6. Why does the word lisp have an "s" in it?
7. How come you never read the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
8. Is it really possible to change the direction of a bowling ball by waving your hands?
9. There's senior citizens, so why aren't there junior citizens?
10. They say laughter is the best medicine - so who came up with the phrase, "I died laughing"?
#joke

Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

Cajun Confession

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site." Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."Priest: "What did you do with it?"Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."Priest: "OK, anything else?"Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two car garage."Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."Priest: "Yes?"Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #64 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“The man working in a

“The man working in a dowel factory has his job pegged.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

 Hahahahahaha

The joke is:























!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 1.45/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (69)

Baseball bat

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat to the cash register.

"Cash or charge," the clerk asked.

"Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!"

"Shall I gift wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you going back?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 October 2015
  • Currently 8.48/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (21)

One summer evening during a vi...

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 July 2015
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

Viagra/Gore

What's the difference between Viagra and Al Gore.....Viagra

really works !

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2009
  • Currently 4.07/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (56)

Weeping Willows are a result o...

Weeping Willows are a result of Chuck Norris yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2011
  • Currently 2.87/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (47)

True or false?

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 6.05/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (38)

Ponderings Collection 34


Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Do fish get cramps after eating?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2011
  • Currently 5.03/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (33)

Patton Oswalt: Obituary Fear

My other big obituary fear is, when I die, theyll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, He loved to laugh. Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesnt tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- youre laughing! Thats like saying, He hungered for food.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 3.24/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (29)

Passing a Mental Exam

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

Say It With Flowers

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It With Flowers."

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 July 2017
  • Currently 8.61/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (23)

Smart kid

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 October 2015
  • Currently 8.66/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (44)

Get Me My Drink

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you bitch". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick your ass".
Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 February 2014
  • Currently 6.63/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (8)

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