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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 28 February 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 28 February 2019

Kay was a beautiful girl. As s

Kay was a beautiful girl. As she was walking through the woods on a hot summers day, the heat became too much for her and she decided to go for a swim. She took off all her clothes, piled them neatly on the side of the riverbank and dived in. A couple of young boys came along and decided to steal her clothes.
Having gotten out of the water and discovered that her clothes had been stolen, Kay decided to go to the roadside and hitch a ride home. Along came James, riding a bicycle. He stopped for Kay. "Come on," he said. "I'll ride you into town."
She jumped on his bicycle and rode sidesaddle in front of James. James said nothing, but after ten minutes Kay was so overwhelmed at how calm he was that she said, "Tell me, haven't you noticed that I'm completely naked?"
"Sure," said James. "Haven't you noticed that you're riding on a girls bike?"
#joke
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

“When the arsonist me

“When the arsonist met his girlfriend it was a perfect match. Both of them could light up a room with their presence.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #12 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 Answering Machine Message 233


(Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 1.40/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (10)

Rewarding Your Children

Father: You did well with your chores this week, how would you like a shiny new quarter?
Son: I'd rather have a dirty old dollar!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

The juryman petitioned the cou...

The juryman petitioned the court to be excused, declaring: "I owe a man twenty-five dollars that I borrowed, and as he is leaving town today for some years I want to catch him before he gets to the train and pay him the money."
"You are excused," the judge announced in a very cold voice. "I don't want anybody on the jury who can lie like you."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 April 2018
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

A letter to dad.....

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you like you can $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

*****************************************

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 March 2016
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

My wife asked me to buy ORGANI...

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market.I went and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "Thesevegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with anypoisonous chemicals?"
"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have todo that yourself."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 October 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

Two prisoners are talking abou...

Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:

George: 'I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years'

Herman: 'Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days'

George: 'WHAT!? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days!?'

Herman: 'Yeah, it was a lawyer.'
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 February 2010
  • Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (53)

Apple Does It Again!

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup size, speaker size, and storage capacity.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about
men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 February 2010
  • Currently 7.02/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (49)

Popular Sayings, modified by the Internet

- Home is where you hang your @

- The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

- A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

- You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

- Great groups from little icons grow.

- Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

- C: is the root of all directories.

- Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

- Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

- The modem is the message.

- Too many clicks spoil the browse.

- The geek shall inherit the earth.

- A chat has nine lives.

- Don't byte off more than you can view.

- Fax is stranger than fiction.

- What boots up must come down.

- Windows will never cease.

- In Gates we trust.

- Virtual reality is its own reward.

- Modulation in all things.

- A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

- Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

- There's no place like http://www.home.com

- Know what to expect before you connect.

- Oh, what a tangled Web site we weave when first we practice.

- Speed thrills.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 February 2012
  • Currently 4.03/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (36)

A mother-in-law sent two ties...

A mother-in-law sent two ties to her son-in-law. Some weeks later, she was invited for lunch, and so he wore one of them in the hope of pleasing her.
The meal was a tense and uncomfortable one, with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence.
Finally she spoke. "Alright, what's wrong with the other tie?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 May 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

There Was A Place Crash In Poland

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 February 2018
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

World Cotton Day Jokes

On 7th October it's World Cotton Day! Let's have some cotton-themed humor:

I’m allergic to cotton
I would take medicine for it, but I can’t get it out of the bottle

I told my kids I was gonna take them to that place with the Ferris wheel and cotton candy, but instead I took them to the dentist
They said it wasn’t fair

My teacher in workshop laughed when I said I could make a deadly knife out of cotton...
...After I sharpened the tip, he backed down saying, "I see you've made your point."

"Why is that cotton candy talking?"
"Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj"

Scientists have created a cotton plant resistant to boll weevils.
When asked about it, they replied, "It's unbollweevible."

#worldcottonday
#joke
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Act Your Age

When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. She was 20-something and gorgeous. My buddy whispered, “She makes me wish I was 30 years older.”
“Don’t you mean 30 years younger?” I asked.
“No. If I were 30 years younger, I’d still never have a chance with a woman like that. If I were 30 years older, it wouldn’t bother me so much.”

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Getting Revenge With Marriage

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 January 2019
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

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