Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 24 July 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 24 July 2019

“An excited stag runs

“An excited stag runs for deer life.”

#joke #short #animal #deer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

An Electric Curtain Call

Did you hear about the big power outage last week that hit New York City’s Theater District ?
It was a real show stopper!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

 People Are Stupid


George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."
Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.
The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See! That guy was really stupid."
"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.04/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (23)

Southern Pounderings

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

After years of working for oth

After years of working for others and being passed over for promotions, John and his wife, Mary, decided to go into business together. After examining the classifieds, they bought a small candy stand, paying thirty cents for each box of candy and then selling it for thirty cents.
At the end of the day they were astonished to find that they had sold every box of candy, yet had exactly as much money as when they started.
"You see?" John snarled at his wife. "I told you we should have bought a larger stand!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 June 2019
  • Currently 2.48/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (21)

A lawyer died and arrived at t

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance intoHeaven?"
The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarterto a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and aftera moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quiteenough to get you into Heaven."
The Lawyer said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I alsogave a homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back toaffirm that it was true.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest wedo with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 November 2016
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Generation gap?

During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"

With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.

"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."

"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."

#joke #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 July 2016
  • Currently 7.32/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (22)

Abbott and Costello

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello (comedians), and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.

For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK,

let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with computer. How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".........

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 July 2011
  • Currently 4.99/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (68)

If you have five dollars and C...

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 July 2011
  • Currently 2.84/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (62)

Joe Mande: Vegan Sexual

I saw this hilarious news story on TV recently about vegan sexuals. Have you guys heard of that term? I did not make that up. That is a real thing. A vegan sexual, according to this news story, is a vegan whos decided he or she is only going to have sex with other vegans. And when I saw that, I was like, Oh, thats weird, cause I thought we already had a word for that, and it was vegans. No one wants to have sex with a vegan.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 July 2012
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (46)

Answering Machine Message 205


Hello. If you're calling with bad news, leave your message now. If it's good news, wait for the tone.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 July 2011
  • Currently 5.24/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (41)

Cook

Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?

A: She

gets the poptart out of the toaster in one piece.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 July 2010
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (35)

Jon Lajoie: Mysteries of the Universe

I have this thing that I do called Mysteries of the Universe, when I gaze up at the countless stars and infinite galaxies. I realize how small and insignificant my girlfriend is. So, I get drunk and cheat on her with my 18-year-old neighbor.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 05 March 2010
  • Currently 2.57/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (53)

Cure for a Cough

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him-he's afraid to cough!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 October 2015
  • Currently 9.69/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (16)

Christmas QA jokes part two

Q: What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?
A: Sandy Claws.

Q: Where does the snowman hide his money?
A: In the snow bank.

Q: What type of cars do elves drive?
A: Toy-otas.

Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
A: It needed to be trimmed.

Q: What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A: Holly Davidson.

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 December 2014
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Jokes Archive

<>February 2025
SunMonTueWedThuFriSat
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
232425262728 
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.