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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 04 February 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 04 February 2020

“The decision to lega

“The decision to legalize marijuana was made by a high government official.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

No Sleep

How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
Easily, he sleeps at night.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #70 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 Cat Jokes 08


Q: What is the most breathless thing on television?

A: The Pink Panter Show!

Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?

A: A terrified postman!

Q: When is a lion not a lion?

A: When he turns into his cage!
Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby!

Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: I'm paw!

Q: What do you call a lioin who has eaten your mother's sister?
A: An aunt-eater!

Q: What do tigers wear in bed?

A: Stripey pyjamas!

Q: Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?
A: Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

To impress his date, the young

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (14)

Break in....

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "We had $100 when we broke in!"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 February 2017
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

If someone is vomiting, ron

If someone is vomiting, call emetic.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2015
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A wife was making a breakfast ...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the ki tchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 February 2010
  • Currently 7.98/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (44)

the job search

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:

Officer: What's 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 February 2009
  • Currently 5.95/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (40)

Good advice...

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby, "how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 February 2009
  • Currently 6.84/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (37)

The Buddhist Computer Addict

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 February 2009
  • Currently 3.30/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (30)

Highly Religious Horse

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."
So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.
"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"
Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 February 2016
  • Currently 8.86/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (28)

Sounds more like a nightmare...

An older couple wakes up in the morning and the husband looks over at his wife and says, " Wow! You wouldn't believe the dream I had..."

The wife replies, "Yes, go on tell me."

So the husband says "I had a dream that you left me after 20 years of being married."

The wife says, "Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare."

The husband says, "No, I am sure it was a dream."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 June 2017
  • Currently 7.62/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (21)

Knock Knock Collection 187

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vivaldi!
Vivaldi who?
Vivaldi books, there's nothing to read!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Vlad!
Vlad who?
Vlad to meet you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Voodoo!
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Waddle!
Waddle who?
Waddle you give me if I go away!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wade!
Wade who?
Wade till next time!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 July 2015
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A married fellow gets home ear...

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noisescoming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked onthe bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he asks.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, butjust as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy!Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, pasthis screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, thereis his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "Youbastard!!!" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack, and allyou can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 June 2018
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Chinese laundry

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"

So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say, Sem Ting."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 August 2016
  • Currently 7.79/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (47)

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