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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 14 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 14 March 2020

My sister is marrying an organ thief. She says she wants a man after her own heart, someone who can de-liver her from her troubles, and who'll take care of her two little kidneys after she's gone.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

While he was rooting around in

While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke.
"I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine.
"I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish."
"Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass.
"Why only one glass?" asked her wife.
"You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
#joke #drinks #wine
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

“Routines are dental

“Routines are dental procedures.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

75 Cents

The teacher asks Joanie, "If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?"
Joanie replies, "A million dollars minus 75 cents."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 March 2019
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Speeding ticket or....

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 March 2017
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (19)

 Expert On Parenting


The following is a true story written by an educational psychologist and her experience on a plane.
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.
The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.
Then she inquired what I did for a living.
I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.
Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 12 August 2016
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

When Peters learned that he wa

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head ofhuman resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "Ithink I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter thatnext day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. Itread, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When heleft us, we were very satisfied."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 February 2015
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Confucius Say ...

Confucius say, "When you are angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 March 2010
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (48)

How the diet going?

"How the diet going?"
"Not good, I had eggs for breakfast."
"Scrambled?"
"No, chocolate."
#joke #short #food #breakfast #egg #chocolate
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 March 2017
  • Currently 8.17/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (42)

Absolutely naked woman enters ...

Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.
Woman: Hey, what's up? Haven't you ever seen naked woman?

Barman: Well, yes I have... I'm only interested - where will you take your cash from?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 March 2010
  • Currently 6.26/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (39)

Pun With Monks

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had.
After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"
"Yes, I'm the chip monk."

#joke #animal #fish #food #dinner
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 March 2011
  • Currently 5.24/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (38)

A blonde was driving down the ...

A blonde was driving down the road and she looks up and she sees a tree so she swerves to the left.
The tree is still nfront of her so she swerves to the right, this time her car rolls into the ditch.
When the Police Officer came to the scene of the accident the blonde told the Police Officer about the tree that was in front of her. The officer kindly explained that the tree was the green air freshener hanging off her rear view mirror.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 March 2009
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (36)

Diagnose this patient

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 December 2016
  • Currently 9.71/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (17)

A man walked into a restaurant...

A man walked into a restaurant and saw a sign that read, "We'll give you $300 if we're unable to serve you any entree you order."
He sat down and told the waitress he wanted elephant liver on rye.
The waitress took the order and left.
All of a sudden, the man heard terrible noises coming from the kitchen - the sound of feet stamping, screaming and the banging of pots and pans.
It went on and on.
The noise finally stopped, and the cook appeared from the kitchen.
He slapped down $300 in front of the customer and said, "I can't believe it. We're out of rye."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 October 2016
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

A husband and wife are moving...

A husband and wife are moving out of their house and are starting to box everything up. The husband finds a box under the bed, pulls it out, and looks inside, where he finds two eggs and about $8,000. He approaches the wife and asks, "What are the eggs for?" She replies, "Every time I cheat on you, I put an egg in the box." He says, "That's alright, you've only cheated on me twice. What's the money for?" The wife replies, "Every time I get a dozen, I sell them!"
#joke #food #egg
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 July 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

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