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Jokes of the day for Friday, 13 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 13 March 2020

If you're Vice-President

If you're Vice-President waiting to become President, then I guess Joe Biden your time.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

“Routines are dental

“Routines are dental procedures.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #78 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A city boy was visiting the co

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals.
The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.
"It had two saggy breasts, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy.
"Oh, bugger!!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

Lucky Number Seven

On our seventh wedding anniversary I broke out in hives...
I think they call that the seven year itch!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 March 2019
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Annual checkup...

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for an annual checkup. "I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.

"What makes you think that?" asks Quasimodo.

"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 March 2017
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (16)

When Peters learned that he wa

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head ofhuman resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "Ithink I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter thatnext day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. Itread, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When heleft us, we were very satisfied."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 February 2015
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Insane Asylum

Late one night at the insane asylum, an inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another inmate asked, "How do you know?" "God told me!" A voice from another room suddenly shouted, "I did not!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 January 2009
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (10)

I love this story – from the blonde files

A beautiful young model boarded a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looked at the seats in economy, and then looked into the forward cabin at the luxurious first-class seats.
Seeing that the first-class seats appeared to be much larger and more comfortable, she moved forward to the last empty seat in first-class.
The flight attendant checked her ticket and told the woman that her seat was in economy.
The blonde replied, 'I'm a famous model, and I’ve never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York.'
Flustered, the flight attendant went to the cockpit and informed the captain of the problem. The captain went back and told the woman that her assigned seat was in economy.
Again, the blonde replied: 'I'm a famous model. I'm sitting here all the way to New York.”
The captain didn’t want to cause a commotion, and so returned to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot.
The co-pilot said that he used to date a model like her, and that he could take care of the problem. He then went back and briefly whispered something in the blonde's ear.
She immediately got up and said, 'okay, thank you'. She then hugged the co-pilot, and rushed back to her seat in the economy section.
The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replied, 'I just told her that the first-class seats aren't going to New York.'

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 March 2017
  • Currently 8.94/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (47)

A circus owner runs an ad for

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them: I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life," He then turns to the young man and asks, "can you top that?"
The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 March 2019
  • Currently 8.57/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (35)

Letter to Company

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.

Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.

“Well, what do you think?” his wife asked smiling.

“Next time,” he replied. “I'm writing to General Motors!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 March 2012
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (35)

Joe had asked Bob to help him ...

Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 March 2011
  • Currently 7.31/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (29)

Childless Smokey the Bear

Q: Why did Smokey the Bear never have children?
A: Every time his wife got hot, he stamped her out.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 March 2013
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (27)

One summer, the company that M...

One summer, the company that Morris worked for transferred him to another city. Morris was told that he had to take a new physical with the company doctor to continue to be employed.
All the tests came out fine, but the doctor remarked that Morris had the smallest penis he'd ever seen.
"Do you have any difficulties with it being so small?" the doctor asked.
"Not at all," Morris said. "I've got a wife, three kids, and we have a great sex life. But I must admit I do sometimes have a problem finding it in the daytime."
"What about at night?" the doctor asked.
"Nights are no problem," Morris said, "because at night, there are two of us looking for it!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 August 2016
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Blind date

How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2016
  • Currently 8.86/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (28)

Feline Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven.
God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 April 2009
  • Currently 6.87/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (46)

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