Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Friday, 20 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 20 March 2020

What's the most frustrat

What's the most frustrating thing for a dog in a car?
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (11)

“Last week, my mate a

“Last week, my mate asked me to pick his sister up from the ruler shop. I was centimeter.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.29/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (17)

It Is Your Choice

I love bacon.
Sometimes I eat it twice a day.
It helps take my mind off the terrible chest pains I keep getting.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Jokes Of Science 01

At the physics exam: 'Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.'
Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
A: The 'wave'.
The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.
A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?
Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)"
One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they did not commute. He said that Sir William Hamilton discovered noncommutivity one night when he was taking a walk in his garden with Lady Hamilton. As they sat down on a bench, there was a moment of passion. It was then that he discovered that AB did not equal BA.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
#joke #animal #chicken #sport #baseball
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 February 2018
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A police officer responded to...

A police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the officer and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too, probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the officer continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the officer asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the officer, "you're under arrest."
#joke #policeman #sport #boxing
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 October 2017
  • Currently 6.79/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (24)

What's the trick?

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.

"No, no, no!" insisted the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 26 March 2017
  • Currently 8.48/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (21)

I was at the mall the other da

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?
The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
#joke #animal #bat #fruit #orange #food #eating
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 June 2016
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Where ya from, Sam?

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 March 2015
  • Currently 8.91/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (46)

A fellow nurse at my hospital ...

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
#joke #short #doctor #food #sugar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 March 2009
  • Currently 6.91/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (44)

A cowboy rides into town on Fr...

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday how does he do it?

The horses name is Friday
#joke #short #friday #animal #horse
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 March 2010
  • Currently 7.03/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (33)

A vertically challenged psychi...

A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 March 2011
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (30)

One day my friend as...

“One day my friend asked me, how do you take such good care of your saxophone. I responded with tenor, love and care.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 March 2014
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (23)

A police officer pulls over th...

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
#joke #policeman #food #sugar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 December 2009
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (65)

An amazing dog

There was this ad posted on the office window of an accounting firm :

"HELP wanted. Must be able to type 70 words per minute. Computer literacy is required. Must be bilingual. EQUAL EMPLOYER."

So there was this dog ambling outside the office. It noticed the ad and shuffled into the office to apply for the position. The employer took one look at the dog, shook his head and said "But I can't hire a dog."

The dog pointed at the words EQUAL EMPLOYER on the ad. So the employer said, "OK, can you first type this document?" and gave the dog a letter. The dog typed everything correctly and neatly without a mistake at a rate of 70 words per minute.

Flustered, the employer then said, "Then, can you put these figures into spreadsheet and make a program to feed it into the mainframe, process it in the General Ledger Module and give me the Balance Sheets and Profit and Loss Statement?" and gave the dog some documents. The dog completed the spreadsheet, the program, the Balance Sheet and the P/L statement promptly & correctly.

The employer shook his head, pointed at the ad and said, "But are you bilingual?"

The dog said "Meow!"

#joke #animal #dog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 November 2016
  • Currently 9.18/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (17)

I hate Mondays...

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and half of Friday.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2015
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.