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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 18 October 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 18 October 2020

Mathew: name

Mathew: name for a logical woodcarver.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

A woman answered her front doo

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"My babysitter's boyfriend."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

SLIDESHOW #16 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Married the Longest

At my granddaughter's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and me. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?"
I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"
Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

One bright, beautiful Sunday m

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town ofJohnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before theservice started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews andtalking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared in front of the congregation.Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance,trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for one elderlygentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly obliviousto the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said,"Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't youafraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "I been married to your sister for 48 years."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 January 2020
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (25)

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 November 2014
  • Currently 8.42/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (26)

Chuck Norris does not beg to d...

Chuck Norris does not beg to differ. Differ begs to Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 October 2011
  • Currently 2.64/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (53)

Little Nancy was in the garden...

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 October 2016
  • Currently 8.35/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (52)

Second Honeymoon

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."

"Uh huh," said the old man.

"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"Uh huh," said the old man.

"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 October 2011
  • Currently 5.23/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (44)

Jessi Klein: You Look A Lot Like...

This co-worker of mine, who I dont know well at all, comes up to me and goes, Hey Jessi, I dont know if anyones ever told you this before, but you look a lot like Anne Frank. I didnt really know where to put that as a remark. But the worst thing is that my first thought was, Was Anne Frank hot?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 October 2010
  • Currently 4.35/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (40)

I think I'm shrinking!

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 October 2017
  • Currently 8.53/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (34)

I'm the kind of crazy

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 February 2016
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Too Much Hunting

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting in that sh*t?"   

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 October 2016
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (18)

Photographer

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!"
The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 April 2013
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

Dead Goldfish

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."  

#joke
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Two elderly women were out dri...

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 October 2017
  • Currently 8.76/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (33)

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