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Jokes of the day for Monday, 19 October 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 19 October 2020

What did Tonto put on his sush

What did Tonto put on his sushi when undergoing cancer treatment?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.29/10

Rating: 1.3/10 (14)

What's In Your Future

Teacher: "Okay class let's start by sharing our dreams. What's yours David?"
David: "My dream is to earn $20,000 a month like my dad."
Teacher: "Wow! Your dad earns that much?"
David: "No ma'am, that's also my dad's dream."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

A woman answered her front doo

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"My babysitter's boyfriend."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

One bright, beautiful Sunday m

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town ofJohnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before theservice started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews andtalking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared in front of the congregation.Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance,trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for one elderlygentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly obliviousto the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said,"Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't youafraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "I been married to your sister for 48 years."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 January 2020
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (25)

New household cleaner

Did you hear about the new household cleaner just put on the market?

It's called "Bachelor."

Why?

Because it works fast, and leaves no ring.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 November 2014
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

 Hahahahahaha

The joke is:























!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 October 2018
  • Currently 1.45/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (69)

A girl was visiting her blonde...

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 October 2016
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (45)

Good news...bad news...

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.

"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."

"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 October 2011
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (36)

Afraid of the Dark

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 October 2010
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (35)

Jim Gaffigan: The Book vs. the Movie

You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? Theyre always so condescending. Ah, the book was much better than the movie. Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 October 2010
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (34)

Fill Oreos with white toothpaste

Grand April Fools' Day pranks, as impressive as they are, require careful planning. And though massive, meticulously planned pranks certainly gets a rise out of unlucky prankees, it's the subtle pranks that pack the most surprise.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday #prank
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 March 2016
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Two nuns were in the back of t...

Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a cigarette, when one said, "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them."
The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called a condom which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later."
The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. "You get them at a drug store, sister. Just go and ask the pharmacist for them."
The next day the good sister went to the drugs store and walked up to the counter."Good morning, sister," the pharmacist said, "what can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms please," said the nun.
The druggist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, "How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box." "I'll take six boxes. That should last about a week," said the nun.
The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice. "Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size."
The sister thought for a minute and finally said: "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 August 2016
  • Currently 7.06/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (17)

Some people are good at being in love

Some people are good at being in love. Some people are good at love. Two very different things, I think. Being in love is the romantic part—sex all the time, midday naps in the sheets, the jokes, the laughs, the fun, long conversations with no pauses, overwhelming separation anxiety… Just the best sides of both people, you know? But love begins when the excitement of being in love starts to fade: the stress of life sets in, the butterflies disappear, the sex not so often, the tears, the sadness, the arguments, the cattiness; the worst parts of both people. But if you still want that person by your side through all of those things… that’s when you know—that’s when you know you’re good at love.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 February 2016
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

While going out for a ride wit...

While going out for a ride with his young daughter, a doctor notices the little girl playing with his stethoscope.
He becomes excited, thinking "My daughter is going to follow in my footsteps!"
The girl speaks into the stethoscope like a microphone, "Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order please?"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 11 May 2015
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

A Heavenly Welcome

A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the contractor sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.""Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!" The contractor is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty."
"That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 June 2010
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (36)

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