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Jokes of the day for Monday, 06 May 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 06 May 2013

Short funny jokes-Degrees

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

“The bald man decided...

“The bald man decided to consider a hair transplant to rogaine his confidence in looking younger.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (9)

Team Spirit

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach.
"Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (43)

Funny Photo of the day - Perfect machine to clean the snow

Perfect machine to clean the snow - Good for your health and environment | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

Bedtime prayers

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Man's worst nigh

Q: What is a man's worst nightmare? A: A hooker with a chipped tooth & the hiccups.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (8)

Blonde Arrow

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.47/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (43)


Who's there?
Dishes who?
Dishes the police! Come out with your hands up!
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 November 2012
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (27)

Chuck Norris was originally ca...

Chuck Norris was originally cast as Jack Bauer in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 September 2011
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (65)

Silly Collection 03

What do Scotsmen eat?

What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?

The full moon because it's lighter!

What town in England makes terrible sandwiches?

What would you call theft in Peking?
A Chinese takeaway!

What animals are on legal documents?

What did you get for christmas?
A mouthorgan, its the best present I've ever had.
My mum gives me extra pocket money every week not to play it!

Where do tadpoles change?
In a croakroom!

#joke #christmas #animal #seal #food #pie
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 December 2010
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)


If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 May 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (50)

There are no races, only count...

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 May 2011
  • Currently 2.58/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (43)

A couple pulled into the drive...

A couple pulled into the driveway after their first date. The guy leans over and gives the girl a long, slow kiss. While he's kissing her, he quietly unzips his pants, takes her hand, and puts it on his penis.

When she realizes what it is, she screams, jumps out of the car, and yells back at him as she starts closing the car door, "I've got just two words for you, Drop Dead!!"

"And I've got two words for you too," the guy shrieks, "LET GO!!!!"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 May 2010
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (39)

Smell the Coffee...

A grandmother was surprised by her seven-year-old helper early one morning. He had made her coffee! She drank what was probably the worst cup of coffee in her entire life. And when she got to the bottom, to her utter amazement, there were three little green, army men in her cup.

Puzzled, she asked, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson answered, "Grandma, you know how it says on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"

#joke #food #honey #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 May 2011
  • Currently 2.93/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (15)

Hi there. I'm a detective...

Hi there. I'm a detective. My name is Friday. I work on Saturday. She's my secretary. A guy walked by my office, I knew he was tall; we're on the seventh floor. Last week, a woman walked into my office. She pulled out a pair of 45s, then she pulled out a gun. She invited me to a party that night.

As we were driving to the party, we got a flat tire. I pumped, she jacked, I pumped, she jacked, then we got out and fixed the tire. When we got to the party, everyone was feeling merry, but Mary had to leave. Then everyone started jumping for joy, but Joy got a we left.

We went to her place. A rock broke through the window and hit her in the breast, I broke three fingers. I started petting her pussy, then her cat walked in. Her husband showed up...told me to beat it, so I did, then I left.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 May 2009
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (13)

29 Halloween Jokes to make you laugh hard

Halloween Q/A Jokes

1. Q: Why don't skeletons like Halloween candy?
A: They don't have the stomach for it.
2. Q: Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping?
A: On the web.
3. Q: Who's in charge of the candy corn?
A: The kernel.
4. Q: Why didn't anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula?
A: Because he’s a pain in the neck!
5. Q: What do birds give to trick or treaters?
A: Tweets.
6. Q: What do witches put on to go trick or treating?
A: Mas-scare-a.
7. Q: What did one piece of hard candy say to the other after it helped it escape from being eaten?
A: “Thanks! You're a real lifesaver.”
8. Q: What type of plants like Halloween the most?
A: Bam-Boo
9. Q: Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A: Because they have no body to go with.
10. Q: What did the skeleton bring to the dinner party?
A: Spare-ribs.

Get more of holiday fun ideas at our Halloween Jokes.

11. Q: Why do skeletons love to drink milk?
A: It's good for the bones.
12. Q: What is a skeleton's favorite snack?
A: A cinnabone.
13. Q: What do you call a fat jack-o-lantern?
A: A plumpkin
14. Q: Who rules the pumpkin patch?
A: The pump-king.

Pumpkin Jokes are importan part of Halloween, but also part of many Thanksgiving Jokes.

15. Q: How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?
A: On vine-yl.
16. Q: What to ghosts add to their morning cereal?
A: Booberries
17. Q: What is a ghost's favorite kind of drink?
A: Ghoul-aid.
18. Q: What does a ghost put on his turkey?
A: Grave-y.
19. Q: What kind of cereal does a ghost have for breakfast?
A: Rice Creepies
20. Q: Where do ghosts shop for all of their meals?
A: The ghostery store.
21. Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: To tell which witch is which.
22. Q: What do witches study in school?
A: Spelling.
23. Q: Why did the angry witch leave her broom at home?
A: She didn’t want to fly off the handle.
24. Q: Where do witches park?
A: In the broom closet.

Halloween Knock, Knock Jokes

25. Knock, Knock!
Who's there? Orange.
Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween.
26. Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Boo who? Don't cry, it's only Halloween.
27. Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Al.
Al who? Al go home after trick-or-treating.
28. Knock, Knock!
Who's there? Witch.
Witch who? Witch one of you has the candy?

Halloween Statement Jokes

29. Did you hear about the gloomy jack-o'-lantern? It needed to lighten up.

#joke #halloween #thanksgiving #animal #bird #turkey #fruit #orange #food #breakfast #dinner #meal #rice #drinks #milk
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

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