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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 24 March 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 24 March 2021

Quiet Voices

The Devil whispered in my ear, “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.”
I whispered in the Devil’s ear, “I like your eggs.”

#joke #short #food #egg
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.57/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (14)

Little Johnny learns to count...

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he says, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

Little Johnny smiles and says, "Jack."

#joke #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 April 2015
  • Currently 7.83/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (23)

"Grandma, how long have you an

"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina.
"Fifty years," Grandma replied.
"That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?"
"Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2015
  • Currently 8.79/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (19)

Arnold and his wife were clean

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 January 2015
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

As horny as hell

A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it.

She says "I'm sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!"

The guy gets the room, but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon.

Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.

Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, "I got lots of money now...give me a hooker!".

The Madame replies "All of them are busy now, why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?".

The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, these chicks really know what they're doing huh?",

The guy responds, "Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fucking a pigeon!"

#joke #animal #bird
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2009
  • Currently 3.12/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (60)

Calling the Last Rites

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice: "B - 4. I - 19. N - 38. G - 54. O - 72."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2009
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (51)

My husband wants me to ask you....

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 March 2016
  • Currently 7.68/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (41)

What Would Jesus Drive?

Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time?
A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 March 2010
  • Currently 3.66/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (35)

April Fool's Day - Suggestion

Stick googly eyes on the food in your refrigerator.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2015
  • Currently 7.03/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (32)

Sign on company bulleting boar...

Sign on company bulleting board: “This firm requires no physical-fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.”
#joke #short #animal #horse #sport #exercise
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 January 2015
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

Employment Test

"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?"
"Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means I don't get the job."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 August 2019
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

I'm your best friend!

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"

#joke #drinks #whisky #whiskey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 September 2017
  • Currently 8.65/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (17)

Socks...

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance. The son thought about this and went along happy.

The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy.

The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong.

With a look of shock on his face the young man says, "OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!"

#joke #food #breakfast #eating #wedding #bride #mother #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 June 2009
  • Currently 5.61/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (33)

A blonde was playing Trivial P...

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on "Science & Nature".
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time, and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 9.42/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (24)

Valentine's day is so close

Valentine's day is so close
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 February 2016
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

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