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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 30 April 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 30 April 2022

Simon Says?

The new minister stood at the church door greeting the members as they left the Sunday morning service. While most of the people told the minster how much they liked his message, one man seemingly had a different opinion. “That was a very dull and boring sermon, Pastor,” he said. The pastor was a bit baffled by this, but he continued shaking hands.A few minutes later, the same man again appeared in line and said, “I don’t think you did much in the way of preparation for your message.”Once again, the man circled back and appeared in line, this time muttering, “You really blew it. You didn’t have a thing to say, Pastor.”Finally, the minister could stand it no longer. He went to one of the deacons and inquired about the man. “Oh, don’t let that guy bother you,” said the deacon. “He’s a little slow. All he does is go around repeating whatever he hears other people saying.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

The Forgotten Scissors

After surgery, the doctor said to the patient, "I am sorry, but I forgot a pair of scissors inside you. I need to..."
The patient quickly responded, "Oh don't bother doctor! If it is because of that, just tell me how much it cost and I will pay you back."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #68 - Funny Photo Slideshow

What is the difference between

What is the difference between girls aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 November 2021
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

A tall woman with a perky boso

A tall woman with a perky bosom probably enjoyed several growth perts.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 March 2020
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Free heaven

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

'It's free,' St. Peter replied, 'this is Heaven.' Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home was located on. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, 'What are the green fees?'

St. Peter replied, 'This is heaven, you play for free.' Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the World laid out. 'How much to eat?' asked the old man.

'Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!' St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?' the old man asked timidly. St. Peter lectured, 'That's the best part - you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.'

With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, 'This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins and exercise, I could have been here ten years ago!'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 May 2016
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

Where's the money?

A notorious mafia boss is looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that he is "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, he decides to use a deaf person for the job so that even if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.

On his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He then gets greedy and decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia boss soon realizes that his collection is late and sends some of his hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the hoods drag the guy to an interpreter.

One of the hoods says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is."

The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"

The deaf man replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The hood pulls out a .38 pistol and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "Now ask him where the money is."

The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"

The deaf man signs, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate."

The Robbery

The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 January 2015
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

A man has six children and is...

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home now, 'Mother of six?'"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of four."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 April 2017
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (54)

If you work in an office with ...

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 April 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (50)

Bumper Stickers 17


"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 4.98/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (47)

Years ago someone in Californi...

Years ago someone in California hollered “Gold,” and people drove from all directions. That’s the way they still drive in California.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 4.95/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (38)

Religious battle golf #joke #humor

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (36)

At school, a boy is told by a...

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 November 2014
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

God is Watching

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 May 2018
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

Three elderly men are taking a...

Three elderly men are taking a walk outside their nursing home. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
#joke #short #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 May 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

April Fool's Day Prank - Stuff doughnuts...

Stuff doughnuts with mayonnaise.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday #prank
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 November 2014
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

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