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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 28 June 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 28 June 2022

You got promoted from captain

You got promoted from captain to a higher rank? I bet that major day!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

An Imam's Sad Announcement

An imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from and moving to a drier climate. Afterwards, a very distraught lady came to the imam with tears in her eyes, "Oh, imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind-hearted imam said, "Now, now, sister, don't carry on. The imam who takes my place might be even better than me.""Yeah," she replied, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "that's what the last imam said, too."-
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

Doctor's Handwriting

I went to see my doctor this morning. “Some one decided to graffiti my house last night!” I raged.
“So why are you telling me?” the doctor asked.
“I can't understand the writing,” I replied. “Was it you?”

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 June 2021
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (24)

The Christmas gift...

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 August 2017
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (18)

Great News

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

"We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife."

"Well, tell me!" the man said.

The policeman said: "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said: "Give me the bad news first."

So the policeman said: "I’m sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in San Francisco Bay."

"Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked: "What’s the good news?"

"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crab on her."

"If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?" Mr. Wilkens demanded.

The policeman said: "We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."

#joke #policeman #sport #diving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2015
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (14)

9 Months Later

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered he door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."      

#joke #sport #skiing
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 June 2021
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (29)

50/50

A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, but his wife just sat watching him.

The young man felt sorry for them and asked "I'm sorry to intrude, but would you allow me to purchase another meal for your wife so that you don't have to split your food?"

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no, thank you. But you see, we've been married a long time, and everything has always been shared, 50/50."

The young man said, "Wow! That's commendable." He then turned to the wife and asked, "Aren't you going to eat your share?"

The wife replied "Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth."

#joke #food #lunch #fries #meal
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 June 2016
  • Currently 8.39/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (31)

An elderly couple was attendin...

An elderly couple was attending church services.
About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, "I just silentlypassed gas - what do you think I should do?"
He replied, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 June 2016
  • Currently 8.21/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (28)

“We're having a Japa

“We're having a Japanese-themed dinner party. Wanna kimono?”

#joke #short #food #dinner
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 June 2019
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (28)

Definitions....

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

#joke #animal #chicken #mosquito #drinks #juice
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 June 2015
  • Currently 7.62/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (21)

Monday is easier with funny jokes

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar...
Followed by Batman!

A man came to my door asking if I wanted to buy two armchairs and a sofa.
I told him I never accept suites from strangers!

I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poo your pants…
But he's still making fun of me!

Scientists have invented a car that runs on parsley…
They hope to use this technology to make trains run on thyme!

My dad quit his job to pursue his dream in archeology
His career is now in ruins.

What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 500 years

What’s the difference between good archeology jokes and bad archeology jokes?
It depends on how deep it goes.

I misunderstood pride month…
Would anyone like to buy 15 lions?

#joke #monday #animal #lion
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

Fe = Iron. Male = Man

Fe = Iron.
Male = Man.
Fe + Male = Iron Man.
I have been having sex with Iron Man.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 December 2015
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Tell The Whole Truth

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.
"You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"
The client replied that he did.
Then lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 April 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

The first Hangman to...

“The first Hangman to switch to electricity from the traditional cord was a good conductor, with an alternate code of conduct!”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 June 2017
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Sweet Jeepsus!

Sweet Jeepsus!
I Drive a Christler!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

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