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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 09 November 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 09 November 2022

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

An aspiring Yogi wanted to find a Guru. He went to an Ashram and his preceptor told him, "You can stay here but we have one important rule: all students observe Mouna or a vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak in 12 years." After practicing for 12 long years, the day came when the student could say his one thing or ask his one question.He said: "The bed is too hard."He kept going for another 12 years of austere discipline, meditation and silence and finally got the opportunity to speak again. He said: "The food is not good."Twelve more years of hard work and he got to speak again. Here are his words after 36 years of practice: "I quit."His Guru quickly answered: "Good, all you have been doing anyway is complaining."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

He Didn't Suffer Long

A British man was killed by a shark while on his honeymoon in Australia.
Reports say he didn't suffer too long...
As he was only married 3 days!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #51 - Funny Photo Slideshow

If you don’t drink coffee in

If you don’t drink coffee in Starbucks you’ll get a have tea fine.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 October 2017
  • Currently 2.18/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (11)

No worries

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now, he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 November 2016
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Marriage Counseling

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unloveable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down;. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days I play golf."

#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 August 2015
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Three sons left home, went out...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
"Arnold," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"
"But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 November 2009
  • Currently 6.73/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (70)

Louis Katz: Hippie Roommate

I made the mistake of moving in with a hippie. Hippie roommate -- horrible mistake. Apparently, when they say peace and love, what they really mean is filthy and annoying.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 November 2010
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (46)

I'm not saying I hate you...

I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.
#joke #short #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 November 2015
  • Currently 7.74/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (34)

Condom

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?

A. "Cover me. I'm going in."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 November 2014
  • Currently 6.46/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (37)

An angry wife to her husband o...

An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you?"
Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?"
Wife, with a smile and blushing: "Yeah I remember that my love!"
Husband: "I'm in the pub just next to that shop."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 November 2017
  • Currently 8.11/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (36)

Man of The House

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be The Man of Your House.'
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'
His Sicilian wife Gina replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 November 2013
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (13)

On the first day of school...

On the first day of school, Peter handed his new teacher a note from his mother. The teacher unsealed the note, read it, looked at Peter with a frown, and placed the note inside a desk drawer. “So what did she write?” Peter asked. “It’s a disclaimer.”
“A what?” “It says, ‘ The opinions expressed by Peter are not necessarily those of his mother or father,’”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 October 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Haven't I seen your face before?

- "Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
- "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
- "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 July 2015
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A friend tried to ma...

“A friend tried to make me say animal puns today but I thought they were boaring.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 December 2016
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Poison

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your wife...spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 March 2011
  • Currently 6.90/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (10)

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