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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 29 December 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 29 December 2022

Murphy's Slaw Murphy's Slaw: If cabbage can go rotten, it will.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Mansplainers

Where do mansplainers get their water?
From a “well actually.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #3 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Kids in Church

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough of his antics. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

You will spend eternity here

The devil meets him at the gate and says, "Alright, you have died and come to hell. You will spend eternity here, but you get to choose how to spend it. You may choose one of these three doorways. Once you choose a door, you may not change it. So let's get started."

The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing on their heads on a Concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."

The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."

The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will chose." The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee."

The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big deal?

After about 10 minutes a voice comes over the loud speaker saying, "Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 January 2017
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

Greeting Card Quest

A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store.
After a few minutes the clerk became curious and asked, "Just what is it you're looking for, sonny? Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to your mom and dad?"
The boy shook his head, "No."
"Then what kind of card is it that you want?" asked the clerk.
The boy answered wistfully, "Got anything in the line of blank report cards?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2015
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

It seems a farm boy accide...

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Wilmer!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and have a bite with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you," Wilmer answered. "But I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on." the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Wilmer thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"

Wilmer replied, "Under the wagon."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 December 2009
  • Currently 6.81/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (67)

Whitney Cummings: Naked Photo Texts

I have girlfriends who will text message naked photos of themselves to their man. Which, I guess the whole point of that is, to be like, Heres whats waiting for you at home, big boy. If I was to do a heres whats waiting for you at home photo shoot, I would take some pictures of the frigging dishes, the bills right now. My vaginas not waiting for you at home at all.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 December 2011
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (63)

Chuck Norris originally appear...

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this "glitch," Chuck replied, "That's no glitch."
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 December 2011
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (42)

Shut Up and Trouble were walki...

Shut Up and Trouble were walking down a path. Trouble got lost. So, Shut Up went to the police officer. The police officer asked, "What's your name?"
He answered, "Shut Up."
He asked again "What's your name?"
"Shut Up."
The police officer asked, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
"Yeah, I lost him down a path about two miles ago."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 December 2011
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (30)

The hearing aid

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 December 2016
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (29)

A Talk Between God and Adam

GOD said: 'Adam, I want you to do something for me.”
“Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?”
“Go down into the valley.”
“What’s the valley?” asked Adam.
God explained to him, then said: “Cross the river.”
“What’s a river?”
God explained it to him, and then continued: “Go over the hill.”
“What's a hill?”
God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said: “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.”
“What?’s a cave?”
After God explained, he said: “In the cave, you will find a woman.”
Adam asked, “What?’s a woman?”
So God explained that to him too. He continued: “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?”
“Jeez!” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam.
Adam liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.
A little while later, Adam returned and said: “Lord…  What’s a headache?”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 June 2018
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Rescued on a Desert Island

A man has been stuck on a desert island for 10 years

when he notices an unusual speck in the distance.

“It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer the man starts to rule out the possibility that it’s a small boat or even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, is a beautiful blonde woman wearing scuba gear and a wet suit.

She approaches the man, who can’t believe his eyes.

“Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” she asks the man.

“It’s been 10 years,” he replies.

With that, the woman reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a packet of cigarettes.

The man takes one, lights it and takes a long drag.

“Man, that is good!” he says.

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?” the woman asks.

Trembling, the castaway explains that it’s also been 10 years.

Sure enough, the woman reaches over, unzips her right sleeve and pulls out a flask.

The man opens it and takes a swig.

“This is the best day of my life,” he says.

The woman starts unzipping her long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and looks at the man seductively.

“How long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?” she cheekily asks.

With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs.

“Dear lord! Don’t tell me you’ve got a Playstation in there!”

Alternative ending:

Lord! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"

Alternative ending:

Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got a laptop?

Alternative ending:

Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got Internet?

Many similar jokes to this one online, with alternative punchline and a bit altered text, oldest one found on http://www.mnscuba.com , Scuba Jokes Forum page, posted by Punky Offline on February 25th 2003

#joke #desertisland # #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 August 2019
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

A Conundrum

If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

It's a puzzlement!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 October 2017
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Lottery win

Two Irishmen had just won $500,000 in a lottery.

Having a pint in a pub Tim say to Sean, "What about all them beggin letters? "

Sean replies, "We'll just keep sending them."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 December 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Christmas QA jokes part two

Q: What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?
A: Sandy Claws.

Q: Where does the snowman hide his money?
A: In the snow bank.

Q: What type of cars do elves drive?
A: Toy-otas.

Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
A: It needed to be trimmed.

Q: What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A: Holly Davidson.

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 December 2014
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

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