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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 04 February 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 04 February 2023

Gift Exchange

My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework.
One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ___________.”
His response: “Receipts.”

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A little help please...

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 February 2017
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #31 - Funny Photo Slideshow

I told my oral hygiene profess...

I told my oral hygiene professional that I wash my mouth with plaque. He looked at me like I was dentally retartared.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 March 2011
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

A wife was making a breakfast ...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the ki tchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 February 2010
  • Currently 7.98/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (44)

the job search

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:

Officer: What's 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 February 2009
  • Currently 5.95/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (40)

Good advice...

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby, "how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 February 2009
  • Currently 6.84/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (37)

The Buddhist Computer Addict

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 February 2009
  • Currently 3.30/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (30)

Highly Religious Horse

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."
So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.
"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"
Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 February 2016
  • Currently 8.86/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (28)

Mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box, opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later they came out again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again.

Angrily, back into the house they went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the neighbor came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by his neighbors actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?"

To which the neighbor (who was not very computer savvy) replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 31 January 2011
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (9)

Everyone is getting in relationships

Everyone is getting in relationships
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 March 2016
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Free sex

There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."

Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex".

The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2011
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (55)

Just because i appear to believe

Just because i appear to believe your bullshit, It doesn't mean i'm as stupid as you think. I'm just laughing inside waiting to see what else you come up with.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 April 2016
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Two lawyers

Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.

"Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other."

"Okay, you first," replied the other.

That was the end of the discussion.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 April 2010
  • Currently 6.19/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (16)

At one point during a game, th...

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-oldhockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand whatcooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win orlose, but how we play together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when apenalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, orcall him a pecker-head."
Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so thatanother boy gets a chance to play,it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'adumb a--hole', is it?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain allthat to your mother."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 March 2019
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

History Teacher:

History Teacher: "Why was George Washington standing in the bow of the boat as the army crossed the Delaware?"
Student: "Because he knew if he sat down, he would have to row."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 July 2010
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (13)

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