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Jokes of the day for Monday, 15 May 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 15 May 2023

Fidel Castro and drinking

When he was a young man Fidel Castro went to a Cuban psychic and asked if she could tell anything about him. The old woman looked at Fidel closely and declared, “You should avoid alcohol at all costs.
Because when you are drunk I predict that you will make waves, overthrow governments, and stir up revolution!”
She pointed at him, “So do not, under any circumstances, become inebriated!”
#joke #drinks #alcohol
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Wet joke

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled.
"I'm so wet, give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (14)

Stomach problems

A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems, and he asks him what he's been eating.
"I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for breakfast, orange and yellow ones for lunch, blue for afternoon snacks, and black and purple for dinner."

"I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."

#joke #doctor #fruit #orange #food #breakfast #lunch #dinner #eating
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

It Belonged To Adam

Six-year-old Ned's mother was looking through an old family Bible when an oak leaf fell out.
Ned said, "That must be Adam's."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Sticky Hair?

Rabbit is hopping along the forest one day, when he comes upon Bear taking a dump.

Bear says, "Rabbit, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit replies, "No Bear, I don't. Why do you ask?"

rabbit

So Bear grabs Rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

#joke #short #animal #rabbit #bear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 July 2021
  • Currently 3.04/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (24)

All About Adam

Wandering dejectedly in The Garden of Eden, Eve told God, "I'm lonely I'm tired of eating apples by myself.""Okay," God said, "I'll create a man for you."Eve said, "A man! What's that?""He's a creature with aggressive tendencies and an enormous ego. He won't listen very well, he'll get lost easily, but never stop to ask for directions. However, he is big and strong, he can open jars and hunt animals. And he'll be fun in bed.""Sounds great!" said Eve."Oh, and one more thing," God said. "He will want to believe that I made HIM first."
#joke #animal #fruit #apple #food #eating
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 November 2018
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (13)

A compliment....

Bob was sitting at the table one morning, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player known for his lack of IQ.

He turned to his wife and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

She replied, "Why, thank you, Dear!"

#joke #food #breakfast #sport #football
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 June 2017
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

History of Math in America

Last week I purchased a drink at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my 2 one dollar bills. I then pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In The 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
2. Teaching Math In The 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In The 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In The 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok.)
6. Teaching Math In The 2000s
Same question as number 5 but if you have special needs or just feel you need assistance because of race, color, religion, sex, age, childhood memories, criminal background, then don't answer and the correct answer will be provided for you.
7. Teaching Math In 2011
Un hachero vende una carrtada de maderapara 100 pesos. El costo de la producciones es 80 pesos. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
#joke #animal #bird #food #burger
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 May 2011
  • Currently 6.69/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (64)

When Chuck Norris does divisio...

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 May 2011
  • Currently 3.05/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (63)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 May 2009
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (60)

Recyclables

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada and started to chew it. He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.

Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?

Canadian: We send 'em to France to get turned into paper plates.

French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?

Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send 'em to France to get turned into picket fences. Hey, what do you do with your used crazy glue?

French man: We send it to Canada to get turned into bubble gum!

#joke #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 May 2012
  • Currently 3.58/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (48)

Brian Regan: Einstein

They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, its an insult? You dont know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein. I dont think were honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 May 2010
  • Currently 5.10/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (42)

Tough choice

A wife asks her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looks at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humor!”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 02 November 2014
  • Currently 6.87/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (15)

A man is at work one day when...

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.'
The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.'
'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my car."
(I always wondered how this trend got started.)
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 October 2017
  • Currently 8.40/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (20)

Problem Teacher

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A serious drinking problem."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.26/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (19)

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