Jokes of the day for Sunday, 25 June 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 25 June 2023 |
Beatles Jokes
June 25th is Global Beatles Day! Find some jokes about Beatles!
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to their barbecue?
Because he always took the drumsticks!
How can you tell if you have an authentic Beatles shirt?
When it has a Ringo round the collar.
What is John Lennon’s favorite time?
9:10 because it’s one after 909.
What do you call a man who hangs out with a lot of musicians?
Ringo Starr.
#globalbeatlesday #beatlesday
Christian One-Liners
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.Cannibals
One day three people were stuck on an island with cannibals.
The cannibals said, "If you do what we say, we won’t kill you".
So the 3 people followed the orders which were to go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of your choice.
So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. The cannibals said, "put the apples up your ass without making a facial expression". The person held his composure however then made a facial expression after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.
The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. The cannibals said, "put the cherries up your ass without making a facial expression". However as much as he tried to restrain himself the person burst into tears laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.
In heaven, the person with apples asked the person with cherries "why did you start laughing?"
The person replied, "I saw the third person come out with pineapples."
Some kids play Kick the can. C...
Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.Computer Problem Report Form
Describe your problem:Now, describe the problem accurately:
Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
Problem Severity:
A. Minor
B. Minor
C. Minor
D. Trivial
Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up
B. Frozen
C. Hung
D. Shot
Is your computer plugged in? Yes No
Is it turned on? Yes No
Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes No
Have you made it worse? Yes
Have you read the manual? Yes No
Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes No
Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No
Do you think you understood it? Yes No
If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
How tall are you? Are you above this line?
What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes No
How does this problem make you feel?
Tell me about your childhood
Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes No
Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes
Fred & Saddam
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?A: Both look out their windows and see Rubble.
Juston McKinney: Parking Tickets in New York
The first ticket I got in Manhattan I thought was a misprint. Im like, No, this has got to be a mistake. You put a quarter in the meter out there and it runs out, its a $55 fine. Thats a little excessive. Now, I could see it if you parked in a handicapped persons living room, but not for the meter running out. It goes from 25 cents to $55. Thats a 22,000% increase. Bloopers In The Church
The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on 'It's a Terrible Experience'."
12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."
13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."
14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."
17. "Today's Sermon: 'How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."
18. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: "God is good - Dr. Hargreaves is better."
19. "Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow."
20. "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."
21. "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."
22. "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir."
23. A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
24. Please join us as we show our suport for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
You will spend eternity here
The devil meets him at the gate and says, "Alright, you have died and come to hell. You will spend eternity here, but you get to choose how to spend it. You may choose one of these three doorways. Once you choose a door, you may not change it. So let's get started."
The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing on their heads on a Concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will chose." The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee."
The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big deal?
After about 10 minutes a voice comes over the loud speaker saying, "Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!"
Google's pizza
- Hello! Gordon's pizza (Pizza Hut)?- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number? Sorry
- No sir, Google bought it (Google bought Pizza Hut).
- OK. Take my order please
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizzawith cheeses, sausage, thick crust.
- OK! This is it ...
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.?
- What? I hate vegetables.
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
- How do you know?
- We crossed the number of your fixed line with your name, through the subscribers guide.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza!,I already take medicine ...
-Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network.
- I bought more from another drugstore.
- It's not showing on your credit card statement
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.
-WHAT THE HELL?
- I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.
- Enough! I'm sick of google, facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me
- I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago
Inside Joke
My mate recently got divorced from his wife.
They decided to split the house.
He got the outside.
