Jokes of the day for Sunday, 06 August 2023
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 06 August 2023 |
God's Other Name
![God's Other Name](/jokes-archive/2022/11/12/God-27s-Other-Name.jpg.400.jpg)
Wrong Way
![Wrong Way](/jokes-archive/2021/10/10/Wrong-Way.jpg.400.jpg)
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him.
“Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 interstate. Please be careful!”
“It’s not just one car,” said Herman. “It’s hundreds of them!”
Cured!
![Cured!](/jokes-archive/2017/08/30/Cured-21.jpg.400.jpg)
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
A passenger in a taxi leaned o...
![A passenger in a taxi leaned o...](/jokes-archive/2013/08/06/A-passenger-in-a-taxi-leaned-o-.jpg.400.jpg)
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
Golf in Heaven
![Golf in Heaven](/jokes-archive/2011/08/06/Golf-in-Heaven.jpg.400.jpg)
The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to him in a few days.
After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium.
"Well," said Bill, "What did ya find out?"
"I've got good news and bad news for you," said the Medium.
"OK, what's the good news?" Bill exclaimed.
"Well, there is a beautiful 36 hole golf course in Heaven, and you'll have 24 hour access with your own personal caddy," blurted out the Medium!!
"And the bad news?" asked Bill.
"You're due to tee-off this Sunday at around 10:30 in the morning," the Medium said!
Free Haircuts
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do Godâs work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
Three Vampires Go To A Bar
![Three Vampires Go To A Bar](/jokes-archive/2011/08/06/Three-Vampires-Go-To-A-Bar.jpg.400.jpg)
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
Michael Ian Black: Ambien Racing Game
![Michael Ian Black: Ambien Racing Game](/jokes-archive/2011/08/06/Michael-Ian-Black-3A-Ambien-Racing-Game.jpg.400.jpg)
If something about the human body disgusts you
![If something about the human body disgusts you](/jokes-archive/2015/02/06/-If-something-about-the-human-body-disgusts-you.jpg.400.jpg)
If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
Lenny Bruce (1925-1966)
Picture: AP
Harold and Gertrude had been m...
![Harold and Gertrude had been m...](/jokes-archive/2016/03/13/Harold-and-Gertrude-had-been-m-.jpg.400.jpg)
One day while out on the course, Harold said to Gertrude, "Honey, there has been something bothering me all these years that I'd like to get off my chest before I die. You remember when we were first married and I had that pretty young secretary working for me? Well, I had an affair with her. But it was only one time, that was many years ago and I have been faithful to you ever since."
Gertrude replied, "Harold, there is something bothering me which I need to tell you. Three years before I met you, I had a sex change operation."
Harold was visibly shaken and could only reply, "Honey, how could you have never told me this?...and all these years you've been hitting from the ladies tees!!"
Not tonight, Adam
![Not tonight, Adam](/jokes-archive/2018/09/05/Not-tonight-2C-Adam.jpg.400.jpg)