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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 26 August 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 26 August 2023

Video Pun of the Day
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Two Things A Child Will Share

There are only two things in the world that a child will willingly share...
A communicable diseases and mom's age.

#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

Looking Heavenward

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. She went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock. The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said. "It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 November 2022
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

On Exercising

1 - My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where in the worldl she is.
2 - The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
3 - I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4 - I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
5 - I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
6 - I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7 - I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8 - The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
9 - If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country.
10 - I don't jog; it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

and last but not least....

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog..... you add one minute to your life .... This enables you, at 85 years old.... to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

#joke #sport #jogging #skiing #exercise
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 September 2017
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Tig: Where Would You Go?

I was at a party, and this guy was hitting on me, and hes hitting on me with the most boring questions. One of them was, If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? And I was like, Anywhere? He was like, Anywhere. I was like, Uh -- to the other side of the room. Now, please, get out of the way of a woman and her dream.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 August 2010
  • Currently 5.62/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (52)

Barbie and Paris

Q: What do Barbie and Paris Hilton have in common?

A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 August 2013
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (48)

Blonde Light

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Put a flashlight in her ear.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 August 2011
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (37)

I need water....

A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out.

The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes."

The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they'll give you all the water you want."

The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned.

The man at the card table said, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 August 2015
  • Currently 8.40/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (20)

A woman walked up to a little...

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
#joke #food #drinks #whiskey #sport #exercise
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 April 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Hot Horseradish

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."
#joke #food #dinner
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 April 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Why Jesus Was Jewish

Of course Jesus was Jewish. He was 30-years-old, lived with his parents, worked in the family business, and his mom thought he was God's gift to earth.
#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 July 2022
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (20)

Josh Sneed: After-Christmas Sale

I was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victorias Secret who stopped me. She was like, Hey, hows it going? I was like, Good, how are you? She goes, Well, Im curious, are you shopping for a wife or girlfriend today? I was like, No, why? She goes, Well, were having this after-Christmas sale, and all our bras are 50% off. And I go, I like when your bras are 100% off.
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 December 2010
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (42)

Natasha Leggero: Dad and the Internet

My dad discovered the Internet. Uh, just because someone raised you, does not mean that you have to add them on Facebook.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 November 2011
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (21)

Making God Laugh

You know how to you make God laugh?
- Tell him your plans.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 January 2012
  • Currently 7.24/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (34)

Little Johnny was sitting in c...

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"

"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."

"The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!"
#joke #animal #bird #food #eating #wedding
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 August 2010
  • Currently 6.61/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (49)

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