Jokes of the day for Friday, 13 October 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 13 October 2023 |
22 Friday The 13th Jokes
What’s way worse than Friday the 13th?
Monday the whatever.
Why is Friday the thirteenth one of the worst days to get arrested on?
Because the judge will only be in on Monday.
What day do eggs hate most?
Fry-day the 13th!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice-cream, you scream, we all scream because it’s Friday Thirteenth.
What’s the worst part about waking up to realize it’s Friday the thirteenth?
Realizing that you still have to go to work.
Why are people scared of going out of the house on Friday the thirteenth?
Because of shark attacks.
Why don’t people like going to work on Friday the thirteenth every year?
Because they hate their jobs very much for the rest of the year too.
Why do people say that Friday the thirteenth is one of the unluckiest day of the year?
Oh, don’t worry about it if you don’t know, you’ll find out.
What’s the worst thing that can happen on Friday the thirteenth?
Getting married.
Why did the old man wake up on Friday the 13th and decide that nothing bad could happen to him all day?
Because he had already gotten married.
What’s the best thing you can do on Friday the thirteenth?
Continue to be depressed about your last divorce.
Why should you play the lottery on Friday the thirteenth?
Because when you lose this time, you’ll at least expect it.
What’s the most unlucky thing that you can do on Friday the thirteenth?
Be born into the world.
Why should you never go out on a date on Friday the thirteenth?
Because everyone knows it’s the one day of the year where you won’t be lucky.
What usually happens on Friday the thirteenth?
Nothing at all.
Killers eagerly look forward to which day of the month?
Fri-Die the 13th.
Which types of people consider Friday the thirteenth as lucky as any other day?
The smart ones.
How do you know that it’s Friday the 13th?
Everyone will tell you.
Why do people consider Friday the 13th unlucky?
Because it’s not a Saturday.
What starts with the letter J and gets called the reason for the season by some people who celebrate this special holiday?
Jason.
What do you call someone who wakes up on Saturday the fourteenth?
Lucky.
What’s the most difficult part about the average Friday the thirteenth?
Making sure that you survive it.
In The Hotel Lobby
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436"
New broom...
A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her basket was filled with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious that she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for yet another price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked, indignantly, "Well, at this rate, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, Ma'am," replied the clerk. "With all that wind kicking up over there and that brand new broom you have in your basket, you'll be home in no time."
A blonde, a brunette, and a re...
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!" The chief export of Chuck Norr...
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.Pukeing drunk
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong."I've puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me."
The other drunk says "do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned."
"Sounds like a great idea" says drunk number 1.
When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is. The drunk starts spinning the lie and says " look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my shirt pocket."
His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars.
"Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten for puking on you," says the wife.
"He did," says the drunk.
"But he shit in my pants too."
A psychiatrist was conducting ...
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children."You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
Ted Alexandro: Personal Trainer
My sisters a personal trainer. Thats a tough job. I dont think I can do that. You gotta help people with their fitness goals. Can you help me define my abs? Yeah -- disgusting, sloppy, gelatinous. A man called to testify at the
A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear."Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma."Let me tell you a story," replied the Priest.
"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!"
"Simple", replied the Priest...
"It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"
Would you like me to be your friend?
Kathy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help.
One day, during recess, Kathy noticed a young girl standing by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the kids were playing a game of soccer.
A while later, Kathy walked over to the young girl and offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl looked at Kathy suspiciously, then said hesitantly, "Okay, I guess so..."
"Why are you standing here all alone?" asked Kathy.
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
Sheng Wang: Man With a Comb Over
If you can show me a man with a comb over, I can show you a man who thinks that by crushing a bag of chips, you make more chips. A farmer named Clyde had a car...
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde."Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.
"Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning.I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now what the hell would you say?"
