Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 20 March 2024

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 20 March 2024

All We Can Afford

(Husband to wife) If I could write a check for a million dollars, I could afford to be eccentric.
(Wife) Keep working at it honey, at this point in time you can only afford to be delusional.

#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

The best Norm quotes from "Cheers"!

'What's shaking Norm?'
'All four cheeks & a couple of chins.'

'What's new Normie?'
'Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer.'

'What'd you like Normie?'
'A reason to live. Give me another beer.'

'What'll you have Normie?'
'Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.'
'Looks like beer, Norm.'
'Call me Mister Lucky.'

'Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?'
'Like a baby treats a diaper.'

'What's the story Mr. Peterson?'
'The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending.'

'Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.'
'I know; if she calls, I'm not here.'

'Beer, Norm?'
'Have I gotten that predictable? Good.'

'What's going on Mr. Peterson?'
'A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.''

'Whatcha up to Norm?'
'My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.'

'How's it going Mr. Peterson?'
'Poor.'
'I'm sorry to hear that.'
'No, I mean POUR!'

'How's life treating you Norm?'
'Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.'

'Women. Can't live with 'em....pass the beer-nuts.'

'What's going down, Normie?'
'My butt cheeks on that bar stool.'

'Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?'
'Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty.'

'How's it going Mr. Peterson?'
'It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.'

'What's the story Norm?'
'Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.'

'What's going on Mr. Peterson?'
'The question is what's going IN, Mr. Peterson?
'A beer please, Woody.'

'Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?'
'A little early isn't it, Woody?'
'For a beer?'
'No. For a stupid question'

#joke #animal #dog #drinks #milk #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 April 2015
  • Currently 7.07/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (14)

Why Men Wear Earrings

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck..."  

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 December 2014
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

Where ya from, Sam?

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 March 2015
  • Currently 8.91/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (46)

A fellow nurse at my hospital ...

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
#joke #short #doctor #food #sugar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 March 2009
  • Currently 6.91/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (44)

A cowboy rides into town on Fr...

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday how does he do it?

The horses name is Friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 March 2010
  • Currently 7.03/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (33)

A vertically challenged psychi...

A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 March 2011
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (30)

One day my friend as...

“One day my friend asked me, how do you take such good care of your saxophone. I responded with tenor, love and care.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 March 2014
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (23)

A 6th Grade Teacher Asks a Question

A 6th-grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.
One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.
Now, what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand.
With complete sincerity in his voice, answered, “A lawyer!”

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 June 2018
  • Currently 8.48/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (21)

Any questions?

Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while.

"You understand it now?" Mommy asks.

"Yes," replies her daughter.

"Do you still have any questions?"

"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"

"In exactly the same way as with babies."

"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 July 2008
  • Currently 7.24/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (21)

A husband and wife were in the...

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said, "That was the best, honey. You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?"
His wife replies, "No, no. I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass."
#joke #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 August 2015
  • Currently 7.02/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (47)

Judge Has Some Fun

A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD."
The drunk promptly fainted.
The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 September 2015
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Every time i see the word

Every time i see the word “Explain” on a test, a part of me dies.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 November 2015
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus...

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this : When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.

“CASE DISMISSED !!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.62/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (13)

Big People Words

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 June 2014
  • Currently 7.69/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (13)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.