Jokes of the day for Thursday, 13 June 2024
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 13 June 2024 |
House of Representatives
After serving for several years in the House of Representatives, Charlie decided to run for a seat in the Senate.
A fellow congressman asked Charlie why he was making this change.
Charlie explained: "My wife wanted me out of the house."
The Best Part of Sunday Service
A preacher notices a man that comes to his church for every service. The preacher asks the man what his favorite part of the service is. The man replies, “Communion.”Then the preacher asks, “Why is communion your favorite part of the service?”The man then replies, “Because it’s the only time Jesus’ blood tastes like grape juice.”-Stopped By The Police
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
Our Dog Daisy!!
Our dog Daisy, sleeps about 20 hours a day.
Her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her .
She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this she pays nothing and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood on Park Ave., in an Apartment that is much larger than she needs, and she is not required to do any upkeep.
If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep.
She receives these accommodations absolutely free.
She is living like a Queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
............Our dog Daisy is a Democrat!
Girls with lovely Scottish accent
So I walked into a this bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent. I said: So, are you two girls from Scotland?
One of them said: "Wales Idiot!"
So I said: "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two Whales from Scotland?"
That's the last thing I remember.
Why English Is Tough
Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Pete Holmes: The Museum
I dont care about the museum, I only care that people think Im the kind of guy who goes to museums. Grandmother....Is that you?
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Adam and Eve
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.... When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
Watch For Fallen Rocks
Driving down a remote road, a motorist sees a sign that says: "Watch For Fallen Rocks."
A couple of miles of careful driving later, he spots some pebbles and stops to pick a few up. Arriving in the next town, the motorist carries the stones into the highway maintenance office.
Placing them on the counter, he says to an official: "Here are your fallen rocks. Now where's my watch?"
ChatGPT jokes
Two ChatGPT models were talking.
One says:
"Did you hear the one about the computer that could finish sentences?
The other replies:
"Yeah, but I already knew what it was going to say."
ChatGPT goes to a restaurant and orders alphabet soup.
The waiter asks:
"Why alphabet soup?"
ChatGPT replies:
"I'm just trying to improve my vocabulary!"
How many ChatGPTs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but it will come up with 100 different ways to tell you how it's done.
