Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 20 June 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 20 June 2023 |
Selection of recent Dad jokes and puns
When does a sandwich cook?
When it is bakin' lettuce and tomato.
Why did the smart phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts.
What state has the smallest drinks?
Mini-soda.
Why did the cow cross the road?
They wanted to go to the mooooovies.
What do you call a funky car?
Mustang.
What did the hammer say to his homeboys?
Nailed it.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What is big and green and falls off over the tree will kill you?
A snooker table.
What did the French guy do when he drank too much water?
He went oui oui in his pants.
Where do pencils spend their vacation?
Pencil-Vania.
What do flies eat for breakfast?
A bowl of poop loops.
Why did the balloon go near the needle?
He wanted to be a pop star.
What did the duck do when he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Why was the tomato all red?
It saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a female magician in the dessert?
A sand witch.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
I hurt my foot driving the other day. You know what I called?
The toe company.
What does a dinosaur use to pay bills?
Tyrannosaurus checks.
20 of the most groan-worthy Dad jokes
What do you call a bear with no socks on?
Bare foot.
What button is impossible to unbutton?
The belly button.
What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans.
What is invisible and smells of worms?
A bird's fart.
What do you call a Minecraft celebration?
A block party.
Who is the best Kung Fu vegetable?
Brocco-Lee.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt?
A hot cross bunny.
What did the butt say to the other butt?
PTTTTT.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He got stuck in a crack.
What's round and sounds like a trumpet?
A crumpet.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino‐SNORE.
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Dug.
What kind of hair do they sell at IHOP?
Eggstensions.
What do you call an Asian man who always has correct change?
Exact Lee.
What do you call an apple that farts?
A fruity Tooty.
What is the best day to cook?
FRY-DAY.
What did the horse say when it fell?
GIDDYUP!
What do you receive when you ask a lemon to help?
Lemon aid
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
Texas Traffic
I was on vacation in Texas, and was appalled by Dallas' chaotic traffic.
I asked the bellhop at the hotel why it was so disorderly.
"In some countries, they drive on the right, in others on the left. Here, we drive in the shade."
Scared Dad
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
Biblical Financiers
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter.
She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Relatives of yours?
A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."
I can't help but stare a...
I can't help but stare at large mansions, especially since my wife always tells me to watch my manors.dumb blondes
10 blondes and 1 brunette were mountain climbing one day. so they were climbing and they got into trouble at a spot one of them had to give up there life so they could continue on so the brunette said i'll do it so you girls can go on so she jumped to the jagged rocks below (ouch) the dumb blondes felt sorry for the brunette so they jumped of toTHE END
A tough looking group of hairy...
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…" Dan Cummins: Greeting Card Writer
I dont just write jokes. You know what Im best at? Greeting cards. Im a really good greeting card writer. And Im going to prove it with a little sample of my work Im going to share for you: As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. Ive been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Fathers Day Zach Galifianakis: Waking Up With an Erection
Guys, have you ever woken up with an erection, and then you realize youre just in a massage chair in a Brookstone? News headlines 04
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Air Head Fired
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Deer Kill 17,000
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
War Dims Hope for Peace
Toughest job I ever had
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey (January 13 1964-)
There was a farmer who grew wa...
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"
