Jokes of the day for Friday, 12 July 2024
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 12 July 2024 |
I was leaving the office the other day when I found The CEO standing...
I was leaving the office the other day when I found The CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.Listen, he said, this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?
Sure, I said.
I turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
Excellent! He said as his paper disappeared into the machine. I just need one copy.
It's Probably Okay, Dad
![It's Probably Okay, Dad](/jokes-archive/2023/01/23/It-27s-Probably-Okay-2C-Dad.jpg.400.jpg)
A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"Aw, Dad, it's probably okay," the son said. "The police car right behind us just did the same thing."
God knows
![God knows](/jokes-archive/2015/08/11/God-knows.jpg.400.jpg)
Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts."
The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
Unlucky Parachutist
![Unlucky Parachutist](/jokes-archive/2012/07/12/Unlucky-Parachutist.jpg.400.jpg)
“No problem,” he says to himself, “I still have my emergency chute.” So he pulls the rip cord on his emergency parachute, and once again, nothing happens.
Now the man begins to panic. “What am I going to do?” he thinks, “I'm a goner!”
Just then he sees a man flying up from the earth toward him. He can't figure out where this man is coming from, or what he's doing, but he thinks to himself, “Maybe he can help me. If he can't, then I'm done for.”
When the man gets close enough to him, the skydiver cups his hands and shouts down, “Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?”
The other man replies, “No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?”
Lewis Black: Absolute Faith
![Lewis Black: Absolute Faith](/jokes-archive/2011/07/12/Lewis-Black-3A-Absolute-Faith.jpg.400.jpg)
Neal Brennan: Shut It Down
![Neal Brennan: Shut It Down](/jokes-archive/2012/07/12/Neal-Brennan-3A-Shut-It-Down.jpg.400.jpg)
Brian Regan: One Eye Set Higher
![Brian Regan: One Eye Set Higher](/jokes-archive/2012/02/18/Brian-Regan-3A-One-Eye-Set-Higher.jpg.400.jpg)
Funny New Year jokes-Annual conflict
![Funny New Year jokes-Annual conflict](/jokes-archive/2011/12/30/Funny-New-Year-jokes-Annual-conflict.jpg.400.jpg)
Hoping to keep the peace Mark ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.
Some minutes later, Lesley looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Mark.
She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was.
Mark told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0
'See?' Lesley said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.
A distraught senior citizen ...
![A distraught senior citizen ...](/jokes-archive/2016/08/15/A-distraught-senior-citizen-.jpg.400.jpg)
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'
Helen Keller's Punishment
![Helen Keller's Punishment](/jokes-archive/2014/11/21/Helen-Keller-27s-Punishment.jpg.400.jpg)
Q: How did Helen Keller parents punish her?
A: They rearranged the furniture.
Happy Friday with fresh new jokes
![Happy Friday with fresh new jokes](/jokes-archive/2023/05/26/Happy-Friday-with-fresh-new-jokes.jpg.400.jpg)
Now I just have beer.
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin
I told him that's the last thing I need
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?"
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Yesterday, I farted in the Apple Store and everyone got upset at me.
It’s not my fault they don’t have Windows…
San Francisco isn't just funny,
It's hill areas.