Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Friday, 12 July 2024

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 12 July 2024

I was leaving the office the other day when I found The CEO standing...

I was leaving the office the other day when I found The CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

Listen, he said, this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?

Sure, I said.

I turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

Excellent! He said as his paper disappeared into the machine. I just need one copy.

#joke
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

It's Probably Okay, Dad

A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"Aw, Dad, it's probably okay," the son said. "The police car right behind us just did the same thing."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 January 2023
  • Currently 9.46/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (26)

God knows

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup."

The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts."

The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."

#joke #drinks #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 August 2015
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

How to Produce Ugly Children

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A: Ask your Mom.

#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 July 2011
  • Currently 6.06/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (50)

Unlucky Parachutist

A man is skydiving, enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute. So he pulls on the rip cord, but nothing happens.

“No problem,” he says to himself, “I still have my emergency chute.” So he pulls the rip cord on his emergency parachute, and once again, nothing happens.

Now the man begins to panic. “What am I going to do?” he thinks, “I'm a goner!”

Just then he sees a man flying up from the earth toward him. He can't figure out where this man is coming from, or what he's doing, but he thinks to himself, “Maybe he can help me. If he can't, then I'm done for.”

When the man gets close enough to him, the skydiver cups his hands and shouts down, “Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?”

The other man replies, “No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 July 2012
  • Currently 6.19/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (42)

Lewis Black: Absolute Faith

You cant deny the faith of these people that we fight: its absolute. They believe that if they kill themselves, theyll be met in heaven with 70-some-odd virgins. Imagine that kind of faith -- to think that that would happen, when I havent met one on earth.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 July 2011
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (39)

Neal Brennan: Shut It Down

If you work in porn, I dont know if you and your coworkers know this, but we have enough porn. You dont have to keep making it. You did a great job, we appreciate your service, but you can shut it down.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 July 2012
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (38)

Blonde Email

How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?

Envelopes in the disk drive.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 July 2012
  • Currently 3.68/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (31)

Brian Regan: One Eye Set Higher

My eye doctor told me this, Im not making this up. He goes, You know you have one eye set a little bit higher than your other eye? No, I didnt know that. He goes, Its no big deal; it doesnt affect your vision or anything. I just thought you might want to be self-conscious for the rest of your life.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 February 2012
  • Currently 5.55/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (31)

Funny New Year jokes-Annual conflict

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Lesley and Mark, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the New Year's lunch.
Hoping to keep the peace Mark ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.
Some minutes later, Lesley looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Mark.
She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was.
Mark told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0
'See?' Lesley said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.
#joke #newyear #food #lunch #drinks #beer #sport #football
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 December 2011
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

What's the difference between ...

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
- You can chop beef, but you can't pea soup!
#joke #short #food #soup #beef
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 April 2009
  • Currently 5.82/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (11)

A distraught senior citizen ...

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 August 2016
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

Helen Keller's Punishment

Q: How did Helen Keller parents punish her?

A: They rearranged the furniture.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 November 2014
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Happy Friday with fresh new jokes

I poured root beer in a square glass.
Now I just have beer.

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.

A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin
I told him that's the last thing I need

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?"

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Yesterday, I farted in the Apple Store and everyone got upset at me.
It’s not my fault they don’t have Windows…

San Francisco isn't just funny,
It's hill areas.

#joke #friday #fruit #apple #drinks #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 May 2023
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Why are frogs always so ha...

Why are frogs always so happy? They eat what ever bugs them

#joke #short #animal #frog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 February 2019
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Jokes Archive

<>February 2025
SunMonTueWedThuFriSat
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
232425262728 
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.