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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 27 July 2024

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 27 July 2024

4 Friends reunite 30 years after school

One friend goes to the restroom while the other three start discussing the success of their sons.

Friend 1 says his son studied economics, became a banker, and is so wealthy he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

Friend 2 says his son became a pilot, started his own airline, and is so wealthy he gave his best friend a jet.

Friend 3 says his son became an engineer, founded his own development company, and is so wealthy he built his best friend a castle.

Friend 4 returns from the restroom and asks what they're talking about.

They tell him they are discussing the success of their sons and ask about his son.

He says his son is gay and works as a stripper at a gay bar.

The other three express their disappointment, assuming he must be unhappy with his son's lack of success.

"Oh no!" the father replies, "He's doing quite well. Last week, for his birthday, he received a Ferrari, a jet, and a castle from three of his boyfriends..."

#joke #father
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

I Wish I Was Rich

A genie came to me and asked, "What's your first wish?"
I answered, "I wish I was rich!"
Then the genie said, "What's your second wish, Rich?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

I need water....

A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out.

The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes."

The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they'll give you all the water you want."

The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned.

The man at the card table said, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 August 2015
  • Currently 8.40/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (20)

Bush in the White House

Former U.S. President George Bush said he would like to see

his son, Governor George W. Bush, in the White House.

Polls, however, indicate that the public is fed up with the

Monica Lewinsky scandal and does not want to see any more

Bush in the White House.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 July 2011
  • Currently 2.56/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (72)

It was once believed that Chuc...

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 July 2011
  • Currently 2.69/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (61)

Matt Braunger: Medical Marijuana Dispensaries

Its incredibly easy to get. People go to those dispensaries, and they have a laundry list of ailments to give to those doctors that will just sign off on anything. You can pretty much go in there and go, Um, I intermittently blink all day. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and I have to pee. And scary movies scare me. You need pot, here, take it.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 July 2011
  • Currently 4.04/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (54)

Church Bulletin Bloopers

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

#joke #food #egg
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 July 2011
  • Currently 6.07/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (42)

We Wish You a Merry...Chrismukah?

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic: "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."

#joke #christmas #food #dinner #meat #drinks #milk
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 July 2010
  • Currently 4.03/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (36)

An Unusual Nativity

A religious education class was almost finished making their models of the nativity scene and one little boy had done a lovely job. Some animals, Mary, Joseph, three wise men, and shepherds were all there. However, the teacher noticed an extra, rather overweight man in the scene as well.“Who is that person?” she asked.“Oh, that’s Round John Virgin.”
#joke #animal
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 February 2017
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (15)

Don't confuse my personality with my attitude

Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who i am. My attitude depends on who you are.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Barbie and Paris

Q: What do Barbie and Paris Hilton have in common?

A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 August 2013
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (48)

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?

No Whey José.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 January 2017
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

I don’t work on monday

I don’t work on monday’s, i make appearances
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 December 2014
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Long lines at fast f...

“Long lines at fast food cause wait gain.”

#joke #short #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2016
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

A taxpayer received a strongly...

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 November 2016
  • Currently 8.53/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (40)

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