Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 24 September 2024
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 24 September 2024 |
Here is a joke that my 8 year old twins found very funny...
Here is a joke that my 8 year old twins found very funny when I told them:A man enters a craft chocolates shop and asks if they could make a chocolate model car for him.
“Sure, no problem”
“And can it look like the VW Beetle that my dad had?”
“Nice idea, no problem at all.”
“And can you make it so that the chocolate doors open and you can see the interior detailed in chocolate, like with a plastic model car? Same with the bonnet and trunk?”
“that will require some planning, but I think i can manage.”
“And i would like the wheels to roll, and if i turn the steering wheel then the wheels should turn as well?”
“Mmmh that is fiendishly difficult in chocolate, I will need to carefully plan and experiment…”
“And finally, can you make it so that the chocolate windows can move up and down when you turn the handles?”
“Man this is insanely difficult. But give me 3 weeks and i’ll try my best.”
Three weeks later the man returns and indeed there is a lovely chocolate VW Beetle model on display. The chocolatier proudly shows it in all its glorious details: interior, wheels, steering wheel, windows, everything works perfect, and after the demo he asks, “shall I put it in a nice gift box?”
“No need, I will just eat it here.”
The Only Country
The United States is the only country where a housewife hires a woman to do her cleaning, so she can do volunteer work at the day care, where the cleaning woman leaves her child.
Go figure.
A Little Extra In The Soup....
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it!
He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary said, "I just peed in the soup!"
Lines
One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said,
"I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines.
The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man.
God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Chuck Norris listens to "Requi...
Chuck Norris listens to "Requiem for a Tower" when he eats pancakes.Dating a Nun
Did you hear about the guy who tried to date a nun?
He wanted to take her to the county fair, but she declined on account of she had taken a vow abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeerLover
Sticks and stones may break yo...
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquify your kidneys.Best room in the hotel?
The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
A young boy enters a barbersho...
A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
The way to achieve true inner peace
Sir Bedevere:
'Now, why do witches burn?'
Peasant:
'...because they're made of... wood?'
Sir Bedevere:
'Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?'
Peasant 2:
'Build a bridge out of her.'
From Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Picture: Rex Features
World Chocolate Day Jokes
July 7th is World Chocolate Day! Find some jokes about it!
Why did the chocolate chip cookie cry? Because his mom was a wafer too long!
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa-nut.
There are two types of people in this world:
People who love chocolate and liars.
What is the opposite of Chocolate?
Chocoearly.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing?
Almond Joy To The World.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because it lost its filling!
Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty?
They had a Babe Ruth.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Candy boy. Candy boy who? Candy boy have another piece of chocolate?
What did the M&M go to college?
Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What does it do before it rains candy?
It sprinkles!
Once there were two chocolate bunnies and one had his ear bitten off.
One said “Happy Easter!” What did the other one say? “Huh?”
I opened a Mars bar once.
I discovered martians love gin.
Life is like a box of chocolates…
Mostly disappointing.
A seven-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, “Eating that many chocolate bars are bad for you.”
The boy looks over and responds, “My great grandfather lived to be 105.” The man replies, “And he ate that much chocolate?” “No,” says the boy. “But he minded his own business.”
What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk?
Cacao.
Why did the chocolate bar go to the dentist?
He had a chip in his tooth.
Why is a Toblerone triangular?
So it fits in the box.
Nun of Your Business
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, This is for washing our hair.
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.
The curlers are on me.
Little Johnny was sitting in c...
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."
"The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!"
Heard in the Friars Barber Shop
A man walks into the Friars barbershop, sits down in the chair and the barber asks, “How do you want your haircut?”
The man says, ” I would like the sideburns one high and one low, a few long hairs sticking out of the back and a few chunks on the side and top.”
The barber looks puzzled and says, “I’m not sure I can do that.”
The customer says, “Why not, you did it that way last time.”
