Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 11 February 2025
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 11 February 2025 |
New Skunk Band
Did you hear about the skunks that started a boy band?
They are calling themselves "The Back Streak Boys"!
Yuppie Farmer
A yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and told the proprietor he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.
"That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor.
"I mean business," the city slicker replied.
A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said.
"Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him.
"Yeah," the yuppie replied: "If I can iron out a few problems."
"Problems?" asked the proprietor.
"Yeah," replied the yuppie: "I think I planted that last batch too close together."
Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...
Why do the Vikings play in a D...
Why do the Vikings play in a Dome?Because even God can't stand to watch!
My Evil Brother Was A Saint…
There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers.
A fundraising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint."
The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.
The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with, "But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
A Faithful Woman
An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by.
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer "Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, "Allah be praised!."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, "ALLAH BE PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"
The Preacher and the Frog Princess
An old country preacher was fishing one afternoon when he noticed a frog sitting next to him. The frog said, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”The old preacher smiled, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. After a while, he looked into his pocket to see how the frog was doing.The frog said again, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”The preacher just smiled and kept on fishing. When he checked on the frog again, it said, “What’s wrong with you, fella? I said I’ve been bewitched. Just kiss me and I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and make you the happiest man on earth for the rest of your life!”The old preacher just smiled and said, “Frog, I’m sorry to tell you this…but at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess!”
Raffle prizes!
Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?"
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."
Carlos Mencia: Super-Fence
You know what they said in California? I saw it on C-Span -- people we vote for -- this is what they said, I propose that we kick all of the illegal aliens out of this country. Then we build a super-fence so they cant get back in. And I went, Um, whos gonna build it? Get A Heart Transplant
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds."Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
Bill Burr: What Cubicles Say
You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, You know what? We dont think youre smart enough for an office, but we dont want you to look at anybody. Take Your Kid To Work Day
An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your kid to work Day'.
As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky.
Her father asked what was wrong.
As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"
Not a smartass
I'm not a smartass … I am a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obvious and i speak fluent sarcasm. 25 Running Jokes - to celebrate Global Running Day
Every year on the first Wednesday in June, people across the U.S. participate in Global Running Day. Celebrate the occasion with some running jokes to keep the fun in your run!
Why did the DJ get disqualified from the 400m sprint?
He kept changing tracks.
How did the Robot break the 400m world record?
There was short circuit!
How did the barber win the race?
He took a shortcut.
Why did the marathoner constantly play a prank on his team mate?
Because it was a running joke.
Why do runners go jogging early in the morning?
They want to finish before their brain figures out what they are doing.
How do you know your a dedicated runner?
When your treadmill has more miles on it than your car.
What do you call a free treadmill?
OUTSIDE!
What’s a sprinter’s favourite takeaway?
McDonald’s.
They love fast food!
What do a dentist and a track coach have in common?
They both use drills!
Why are the President and Vice President so fit?
Because they are running mates.
Where did the Helsinki Marathon end?
At the Finnish line.
Why shouldn't runners use a treadmill?
It'll get them nowhere!
Why did no one think Cinderella was a serious athlete?
Because everybody knew her coach was a pumpkin.
Why don’t sprinters have long careers?
Because they’re only good in the short run.
What does a runner lose after winning a race?
Their breath!
Why did the orange stop running?
It ran out of juice.
What do you call a half-marathoner?
Half crazy.
What do you call a steep hill that runners love to race up?
The psycho-path.
Why happened to the tomato that fell behind in the race?
It had to ketchup.
What happens when you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
What do you get when you jog behind a car?
Exhausted!
Why don’t they allow animals in the marathon?
Because they aren’t part of the human race.
What do sprinters snack on before the race?
Nothing, they fast!
The snowman had to give up running eventually.
He just couldn’t warm up.
The long-distance runner had a real fear of speed bumps on the road.
He’s slowly getting over it.
Squirrels that just...
“Squirrels that just don't care anymore have been seen throwing cashews to the wind.”
