Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 17 June 2025
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 17 June 2025 |
A visit with Grandpa...
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?" he asks. "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
Coroners refer to dead people ...
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.Taliban TV Guide
Taliban TV GuideMONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Osama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "Bowling For Food"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"
FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionaire"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"
Christopher Titus: Drunk Driving Lecture
Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasnt a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master. Socks...
A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance. The son thought about this and went along happy.
The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy.
The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong.
With a look of shock on his face the young man says, "OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!"
Hang your @
Home is where you hang your @.The Fourth of July was coming...
The Fourth of July was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free."One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said, "I'm not free. I'm four."
Helping your father
A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."
"No thanks," said the young man.
"My father wouldn't like it."
"Don't be silly," the minister said.
"Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay."
Wanna Dance?
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
A father and son are out shopp
A father and son are out shopping for Christmas presents for their family.
The son asks, "What present are my sister and I going to get?"
The dad answers, "I got you guys an iPad and iPod."
"Wow, thanks," the son replies, "What will you give mom?"
The dad says, "Your mom is getting an iRon."
Fighting for Business
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read…
Main entrance.
Don’t let anyone ever break your soul
Don’t let anyone ever break your soul. You have to stand on your own two feet and stand up for yourself. There are those that would give anything to see you fail, but you must never give them the satisfaction. Hold your head up high, smile and stand your own ground. Things sure have changed...
For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
Public Service Joke
June 23rd is United Nations Public Service Day! Find joke about it!
A man goes to the post office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever served in the military?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's service!
Well, that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations, you've got enough points for me to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our...
you know what.
No point in you coming in for that.
#unitednationspublicserviceday #publicserviceday
