Popular jokes (15361 to 15375)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Guess What
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime.
Instead of making any official requests to the tower he said, "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?"
I don't get the point of
I don't get the point of aliens. I just look at them and ask ‘Whatta UFO?'A motorist was driving quietly...
A motorist was driving quietly along the road when, suddenly, his eyes goggled as, believe it or not, he espied a three-legged chook running beside him. It suddenly made a right hand turn, heading up a side track towards a nearby farm house. Intrigued, the motorist decided to follow the chook. At the end of the track, he met a farmer leaning on a gate.The motorist said, You probably wont believe this, but I reckon I saw a three-legged chook running this way.
The farmer was nonchalant in response. Yep, we breed them here.
But why? asked the motorist.
Well, you see, I like a leg, my wife likes a leg, and me son likes a leg.
And what do they taste like?
Dunno, replied the farmer, no one can catch the little b
A defendant asked the judge to...
A defendant asked the judge to appoint a new attorney to represent him. "For what reason?" the judge asked.The defendant said the public defender assigned to him wasn't interested in his case.
The judge addressed the man's attorney, "Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?"
The attorney replied, "I'm sorry, your honor, I wasn't listening."
I have to admit, I am a pretty
I have to admit, I am a pretty smart guy. I know all the right answers!Unfortunately, everyone asks me all the wrong questions.
Really funny jokes-If you can understand it
Do you know Psychology is actually Biology.Do you know Biology is actually Chemistry.
Do you know Chemistry is actually Physics.
Do you know Physics is actually Math.
If you understand it, but unable to prove it, then publish in a periodical/magazine of Physics.
If you cannot understand it, but are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Economics.
If you can neither understand it nor are able to prove it, then publish it in a periodical/magazine of Psychology.
“Ralph was kicked off
“Ralph was kicked off the skydiving team because he couldn't chute straight.”
Hilarious jokes-Parrot in plane
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot".
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"
A collection of insults!
If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.
A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.
They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?
You're very smart. You have brains you never used.
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
Eventually, you will get what you asked for.
Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?
You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!
You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!
You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!
Complicated order....
A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called the head waiter to his table. "I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so overcooked, it's tough and hard to eat. Also, give me some grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, luke-warm."
"That's a complicated order, Sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult to prepare."
The guest replied, "Oh? But that's what I got yesterday!!"
Where Did She Go?
An elderly woman in her nineties had a visitor from her church come to see her at the nursing home. “How are you?” the visitor asked. “Oh,” said the elderly woman, “I’m just worried sick!”“You look like you’re in good health. They take good care of you here, don’t they?”“Oh, yes, they take good care of me here.”“Do you have any pain?” the visitor asked.“No, I can’t say I do,” the elderly woman replied.“Then what has you worried sick?” the visitor asked.The elderly woman leaned in and explained, “All of my closest friends have already died and gone to heaven. I’m sure they are all wondering where I went!”Doctor and patient...
Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on.
"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.
The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!"
The doctor hands him the needle and thread and says, "Suture self."
A Dear John Letter
Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning last week's Powerball lottery.
Fifteen minutes after the Tita
Fifteen minutes after the Titanic sank, Mick and Patrick find themselves on the same overturned lifeboat. The water is freezing, sharks are cruising by, and the boat is slowly sinking."Oh, well" said Mick, "It could have been worse".
"Worse? How could it be worse?" screamed Patrick.
"Well, we could have bought return tickets!"
